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| Bill Watterson |
If you read this stuff you can tell, that as a kid, I had a dim view of many adults in my life (including my parents at times). My major complaint was the heaps of BS adults would throw at us kids and I. I would see through most of it, call them on it and then get in trouble for not being stupid enough to believe it. This made their jobs harder at having to come up with craftier rubbish and try to sell me that. And I would get pegged as “that one...watch him!” At worst I was insubordinate but mostly ungovernable but with a twist, I was smart enough to play them against themselves. When you’re 12 and learn how you can outwit your own Dad, teachers and others, by beating them to the punch with their own game, it just proves to you more deeply how they were trying to manipulate you in the first place.
But one day I was surprised that this wasn’t too be applied to all adults, just 98.7% of them.
**
One of my buddies was Jimmy, a run of the mill “bad kid” who for his own reasons, rebelled. I loved how he had the utter balls to shove it into faces of the adults we’d come across, his penchant for vandalism and his unbridled discharge of all the anger that was in him at the world. He was tame compared to his older brother Dave though, who had enough anger in him to rival a nuke. I won’t get into why they turned out like they did but for me, seeing Jimmy blatantly and openly react to the adults/world’s unfairness with a big FUCK YOU made me aware I had some people on my side.
I however, would stealthily rebel instead. I would be a sneaky fuck who maintained a “good” standing in school and tried to protect my reputation, a nice public face to display to the world was worth something. Once unleashed, once I was felt feral enough, I could be as bad as he was but I learned an important lesson Jim never, ever cared about. The lesson is, “Don’t get caught.” Most lawyers would advise the same. If you going to pull some crime, some mischief, you better run thought experiments on how to avoid ever being blamed for it.
**
As with most kids in our neighborhood, we’d be bored to death looking for something to do. Jimmy and I would ride our bikes, in hopes of finding something “fun.” So one day along the way down Boyce Ave. near my home, Jimmy sees a guy, about 25ish, out in his yard who looks like Calvin & Hobbe’s creator, Bill Watterson, and blurts out...PERCIVAL! OHHH PERCIVAL...YOU DWEEB!”
He did look like a late 70’s computer coder geek. Giant eyeglasses, a 70s porn mustache and too tight summer shorts that nearly was screaming “GAY!”
Percival, as I’ll call him as I never did get his real name, retorts to Jimmy, rather surprised, “What did I ever do to you? Why are you being such a jerk?”
Jimmy heaps on the insults and I watch this, enjoying it. Another prick adult who was probably full of shit gets roasted. We ride away muttering “Fuck You” to his protestations he was a regular guy.
A few days later, I’m riding alone on Boyce by his house when he comes out quickly to catch up with me. My first thought was I am about to have throw punches or flee or whatever as this guy wants revenge.
No, he just wanted to talk.
“WHO was that guy? Your friend? He asks
I tell him truthfully, “Jimmy…” I’m straddling my ten speed, with a scathing look on my face as we talk, wanting to unload on him the second I get the chance. I ain’t gonna let this one lecture me!
Percival then says, “You do know where this Jimmy is going to end up eventually, don’t you?”
“Yeah...jail.” I say to him and I believed that too.
“Then why do you hang around with him? He could drag you down with him.”
I tell him he’s funny as hell, he’s great entertainment. And he was. The shit he’d pull in public was astonishing at times. I also tell Percival that he thinks most adults, as I thought, were just complete liars, backstabbers and general losers who cheat and lie their way through life as that’s the only talent they’ve managed to hone well enough. “It’s the main tool in their toolbox...hypocrisy! Say one thing, do another!”
A pause…
“You’re right.” says Percival.
I stood there, unable to say a thing because I was so surprised. I was not expecting that at all. This was the first grown up who agreed with my estimations. I thought I’d be “schooled” with more BS from an adult on how I should respect them only because they were older.
A fat 60 seconds go by, or it felt like it before I could even answer him genuinely.
“I apologize.” I say.
I was referring to the nasty ribbing we both gave him for little reason or proof of what we thought he was.
He goes on to say, “Most adults, are like what you think, but the whole world runs on BS and you have to learn to navigate that, make it work for you...and it ain’t ever gonna change. Thanks for the apology...you’re not the little jerk I thought you were...you’re buddy is though...if he don’t watch it and learn how to live in the world...”
He leaves to go into his house and I ride off. The rest of the night I still felt kinda stupefied about it all. This was an experience I had never really had before.
It wasn’t till a few days later I figured out why I felt like that. This was probably the first time an adult gave me an honest answer, treated me like an equal and that was what threw me for a loop. I met a sincere open adult...Holy Shit!”
**
I never saw him again, though I wanted too. I wanted to get to know this guy, he was worth it. Apparently in a couple of months he and his wife moved away though.
Shit...I find a genuine person and he’s gone.
Not to worry, as I grew older, I’d find a few gems out there again who were worth my time.
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