I sometimes watch the barely 20 year
old boys I see or work with, and it's all the same. They are hungry
as hell for the girls. I swear the testosterone forms little beads on
their skin, if not that, then just under it, pushing up hot, ripening
zits to the surface. I once had a girl tell me years ago, you could
tell the sexual life of a person by the condition of their skin. Odd
theory I know. But there are times where it does seem true. For some
girls, it's a matter of blush or not, guys, Mt. Vesuvius type
pimples.
Of course, it's all run by hormones!
I sort of know a 19 year old boy who
volunteers at a river alliance association. It tries to protect the
habitat of said river that runs not too far behind my house.
Literally, without consciously knowing he was doing it, he was
hopping a bit on his feet knowing he was seeing his girlfriend in a
few hours. You could read it in his face..”I'm gonna get a
blowjob!” He was certain of it. The fact his hunger would be
indulged and he would wolf down all he could, caused him hop in
anticipation. It was fun to watch and secretly, I was rooting for
him.
**
Years ago at a job, staffed
predominately by women, we would have discussions about the sexes.
Being one of just two guys employed there (both of us around 23 years
old), we two had to defend our half of the race. I had to hear the
complaints, almost whining, from one 21 year old girl, about how guys
never had to go through the cramps of periods. That guys had it easy.
After a bit my patience reached it's end and I said, matter of
factly....
“Well, you girls don't know what it's
like being horny 24/7.” That brought the conversation to a halt
but it also piqued the interest of the other women there. I started
to get bombarded with questions about it.
“Is that true? Do you really think
about sex every 55 seconds? Does the hunger ever abate, even after
you have sex? Why do guys hate condoms? How come you really, really
want to fall asleep after? Why do guys breath funny when all horny?
How come...?”
I tried to answer it all as truthfully
as I could but it was like explaining carbon composites to a
blacksmith from 1355. They didn't get it. They couldn't. They were
girls. It's impossible.
But on the other side, we men will
never understand what periods are like, or the fully abundant
satisfaction a women feels from being desired. Or understand that the
most beautiful thing a women will ever see, is her first child. Guys
cannot nor ever experience this.
**
But back to being 19 again.
Do I miss it? Yes and no. I certainly
miss the incredible heights, the rollercoaster ride a girl could
bring. At that age I could be drowned in my own inebriation,
wasted by it when with a girl. Have all things in
place. Be 19 on a late June night by the docks in Newport with a
pretty girl who likes you and you like her. Tell me there's no
better feeling than that? It's ALL going in the right direction!
When that in love, even the slightly stinking tide changing isn't
really that bad, is it? When that intoxicated, the way her shirt
hangs loosely on her shoulders is elevated to awe. To someone else,
it's just a aquamarine Oxford shirt.
What don't I miss about being 19? Being
that upended by it all. Losing my brains, see them dribble out of my
ears and the mistakes I committed from the sure belief, adjudicated
conclusion, that I was doing the right thing. When, in fact, I was
way over .08 on the sexual/love DWI scale. I was menace to myself.
Arrest me...quick!
I don't miss running my love life into
an oak tree at full speed. It was easy then to do that!
What was the worst thing? Being
thwarted when you're that age and full of craving.
Gaige Hall, Rhode Island College, 1985.
“Comparative Religions” was the course and sitting next to me was
Kathy S. She was a smallish Italian girl from Nawt, and I do mean
“Nawt” Providence. In my eyes she was beautiful. Big doe eyes,
hair that spilled across her forehead in that wonderful way and that
body only college girls have. I chattted her up, made her a friend
and finally popped the question, “What are you doing Friday night?”
She answered it, “I'm going to Boston with my boyfriend.”
Now at first, I thought that was just a
brush off, a stalling tactic...hard to get...needing a bit more work
here. So I bided my time, furthering ingratiating myself with her. It
was working I believed, I can be a very good at charming if in the
mood. Then I saw the truth one morning.
By accident one day, I saw her get out
of a car in one of RIC's parking lots, then turn and kiss the boy who
was driving it.
“No...Noooo...NOOOOOOO!” my head
screamed. I then understood the line from Stevie Nick's song
“Silver Spring.” In it Stevie discovers the boy of her dreams has
a girl and Stevie laments, “Baby, I don't want to know.” Very
true, at that moment, the last thing you want to recognize is the
truth, especially at 19.
“No...Noooo...NOOOOO!”
This is how hard you get hit being 19.
You're in your prime, your salad days and everything works
perfectly, your body, mind and spirit. Everything's running on all
cylinders including disappointment and heartache
at red-lining RPM levels.
Want to know something? Bruce
Springsteen's song, “I'm On Fire” was released around this time
too. It sums it all up pretty simply. Gee, thanks Bruce...rub it in!
Anyways, I see the young men of today
and know all about it. I was there! I traveled there too! And even
with the threat of heartache...I will still tell them to go full
bore, head first into it. You'll never forget that elation.
Click Pic and Enjoy!
