From the Onion Comedy Site:
LITTLETON, CO—On April 20, when two
students at Columbine High School opened fire in a brutal shooting
spree that left 12 classmates and a teacher dead, many feared that
this affluent suburban school would never be the same.
Members of Columbine High School's
popular “in” crowd, who, more than four months after the tragic
shooting at their school, have finally begun to exclude losers again.
The atmosphere is optimistic. Slowly
but surely, life at Columbine is returning to normal.
Thanks to stern new security measures,
a militarized school environment and a massive public-relations
effort designed to obscure all memory of the murderous event, members
of Columbine's popular cliques are once again safe to reassert their
social dominance and resume their proud, longstanding tradition of
bullying and tormenting those who do not fit in.
"We have begun the long road to
healing," said varsity-football starting halfback Jason
LeClaire, 18, a popular senior who on Aug. 16 returned to the school
for the first time since the shooting. "We're bouncing back,
more committed than ever to reject anyone who's different."
Added LeClaire's girlfriend, pretty
cheerleader Kellie Nelson: "A school where the jocks cannot
freely exclude math geeks, drama fags, goths and other wash-outs
without fearing for their lives is not the kind of school I want to
go to."
On Sept. 6, amid a pep-rally atmosphere
of marching-band fanfare, cheerleaders and mass chanting, a group of
jocks wearing T-shirts bearing the slogan, "We,
Not You, Are Columbine" were escorted by armed guards into the
school for the first day of the new semester. Approximately one hour
later, anyone not in the right cliques were allowed into the building
through a side door.
**
“The child who is not embraced by the
village will burn it down to feel it's warmth.”
A proverb I never heard before...
I have no answers to this, nor anything
meaningful to say either, and I ain't getting onto the issue of gun
control, but just a couple of stories I remember from then when I was
a teen.
I've written about him before, Steve, a
congenital dork, dweeb, goober, nerd who rested on the bottom rung of
the social ladder of St Rays high school. The one sad story I told
you about was when he admitted it was he who sent
a “Valentine's Secret Introductory Rose” to one of the prettier
girls in our class. Each year boys could buy single roses, send them
anonymously to a girl they liked and if they were brave enough,
reveal themselves later in the day. Steve tried that, but the
popular girl out of either protection of her social status, or
perhaps out of a true “not feeling that way about him” rejected
him as easily as she could in front of 30 of his peers. THAT little
show got around the gossip circuit within an hour for the whole
school and because Steve was a loser-troll, the
magnitude of his crime was made all the worse. “How DARE
you...YOU! Make an attempt to ask out one of the
Top Ten girls!”
Steven never returned with an AK 47 to
pour out 12 years of revenge for the bullying, shame and abuse that
was heaped on him daily. Had he done so, I don't think I would've
been too surprised. But that wasn't Steve's personality. He turned
the pain onto himself by moping about his school day and keeping in
the shadows.
He never showed up for any of the
reunions and who could blame him? Many of the kids he knew then were
his enemy via the exclusion from the fun teen friendships, mileposts
kids achieve at that age and all that the other joys the teen world
has to offer. Why meet again those who kept you from all the fun?
**
When I was a young teen, Soldier of
Fortune magazine was the only rag, and perhaps Guns & Ammo then,
where you could order para-military items, “How To's” and the
“Anarchist's Cookbook.” Occasionally I'd paw through it as we
kids just burned up summer days at the mini mall near my house.
There was sometimes nothing else to do but hang out inside CVS for
their a/c and read the mags till we got the annoyed look from the
manager.
His real first name was Wayne and he
lived not more than three blocks from me and I didn't even know it.
He was about three years younger than me and his existences was a
surprise to me when I finally met him. My buddy M, knew of
him because the kid routinely wore Vietnam tiger stripe camo when he
went to jr high school at Goff. If not that camo, than any “utility”
type of clothing you could get in 1979. On top of his head was a
regular issue Army cap. I was told he had no friends and was avoided
by others because of being “weird.”
One day, M, I and Wayne run into one
another outside the same CVS and I start to goof on his apparel as it
seemed a bit too much for a hot July day. The kid just gave me the
meanest, most hateful stares you ever saw. It's a stare that usually
only worn out, cynical adults give after a life time of having to
make compromises to get along. This kid was probably 12 then.
So, to ease the situation I steer the
conversation over to the Soldier of Fortune magazine Wayne just
bought and talked about those tactics the Green Beret's have to kill
you with their little pinky. He gets annoyed still because I don't
know what I'm talking about and he corrects me when I get it wrong. I
then ask him if he knows any of “those moves” and he says he does
and I ask him to try one on me. I regretted that pretty soon.
He gets behind me and in a flash and
with some power too, uses his left hand to compress my throat and his
right hand slides up and over my scalp and with a claw like motion,
digs his fingers into my eyeballs. He wasn't faking it.
Know what you feel when you can't
breath AND your eyeballs feel like their going to squish out? You
don't know where to defend yourself first, your throat or your eyes?
You tend to reach for both and in doing so, you are an uncoordinated
mess. This goes on for, I guess 20 seconds when my buddy M steps in
and has to literally bash Wayne on the top of his head to stop it.
As I spun around and saw M toss Wayne
onto the ground, I see Wayne's face. He's excited! He's focused! He
has a shit eating grin from ear to ear.
He LIKED doing this. I bet his heart
was racing too.
You know those moments in your
childhood and teens where you experience the real, ugly side of life?
Either it's a person or event you are witnessing and it leaves you
feeling the ABOSLUTE creeps after it happens? It's called “growing
up” and your innocence is forever altered. If you're lucky,
they're don't maim you nor are lethal. They're just learning
experiences you managed to get away easily with.
Wayne was one of those experiences and
not so much about what he did but that look on his face that creeped
me the hell out. If there was anyone who would shoot up his school
because he was weird and excluded, it would be him. He never did.
From what I learned he joined the military right after high school.
He probably begged to be sent as part of advisory command when we
were training the CONTRAS who were causing all sorts of trouble in
Nicaragua. If he did get to go, he found a real home for himself.
Those two, Wayne and Steve, were
probably the worst social misfits I knew as a kid. Neither shot up
anything (but I wonder if Wayne fantasized about it) and apparently
made something of their lives, even with their impoverished social
networks.
And we keep cranking out more of these
kids daily I hear...
