I used to go to an old club called
Sh-Booms in Providence. It was styled as a 50's Sock Hop with
waitresses wearing Poodle Skirts and the music leaned toward Elvis,
The Big Bopper and Bobby Darrin. It also had plenty of contemporary
music as well. Sh-Booms is long since gone now, turned into Olive's
restaurant and that's probably gone as well as far as I know.
One Saturday night in Sh-Booms, I was
standing next to this stunning brunette while the MC was on top of
the bar, promising the club goers what a great night they were about
to have. He kept shouting out names of old bands and those dances
that were fads for a month or so, in order to get the crowd riled up.
I was making eye contact with this woman, trying to get her attention and then inserting a little small
talk as we both stood there watching the MC. She responded to me
with one word replies, but was nice enough though.
I kept at it still.
The MC then said, “We have a very
special guest with us tonight! I'm proud to have here in Sh-Boom's
Miss Massachusetts, she's boarding a plane tomorrow morning to
compete in the Miss USA pageant! Please welcome Marsha Turner!”
I, the crowd all looked around for
Marhsa. The girl who was standing next to me brightened up and
strode forth to the bar and climbed on top of it with the help of the
MC. I then realized I was hitting on Miss Massachusetts and that
she'd never give me more than a three word reply to any of my
advances.
Oh well. I didn't feel too bad at
striking out. Without knowing it, I was trying to bag a Miss USA
contender. She never won the crown that year but I'm sure she's
married to a hedge fund manager or someone similar, living a life I
could never provide.
How many pretty girls have I gone out
with? That's a hard question because pretty is subjective. What I
think is pretty and what you think is can be quite different. There
have been times when my friends introduced me to some new girlfriend
and inside my head, quietly, I thought, “What that hell does he see
in her?” I'm sure others have felt the same about me as well when
I introduced someone new.
Two girls I still know, from my 20's,
badgered with questions about “What guys think is pretty?” I
swear they were trying to get me to divulge some secret that only
guys knew and if these girls found out, they could use it to make
themselves more attractive. I gave them a roundabout answer that wasn't
definitive at all. “I know it when I see it” was the first answer
and that's true, I do know it when I see it. The
final answer that was a descriptive as I could get was, “'Pretty',
is found in the eyes.”
The girls weren't satisfied at all with
that answer but it was the best I could come up with.
The prettiest I was with was P. She
was a blonde I dated , which is odd because I don't naturally
tend towards that. But those first few dates were fun due to knowing
I had a real looker and was probably a bit smug with myself for
having bagged this one.
There's a known fact in the PR industry
called the “Halo Effect.” A person who is good looking will have
that fair opinion attributed to other aspects of them as well. A
girl looking at Brad Pitt will think he's handsome but will
also think that everything else
about him is that good too. It's painting with a broad brush really.
Brad Pitt may look good but it doesn't confer an environmental
sciences degree upon him when he speaks of the “carbon sink” that
the world's oceans are known for. But many will accede to his opinion
without knowing it because of this halo effect. It's why commercials
tend to use pretty people hawking their products. The pretty looks
of a model rub off onto the Preparation H she's trying to sell you.
P had a halo effect with me back then.
I thought she did everything right, till I got to know her well and
found her to be just as flawed as anyone else out there is. In fact
she had some major flaws, like we all have.
Her prettiness became duller as the weeks passed. It was one of life's lessons you learn in your 20's
that teach you that shallowness is just what it is, shallow. Her glow became darker when I discovered her penchant for alcohol and a long list of loser boyfriends that had preceded me.
There's a guy I know who comically
retells this story about a long time girlfriend and a fight he had
with her. They were both vacationing in Key West and were at beach
cabana type bar when their morning long snippy argument went nuclear.
It provided great entertainment for all the others there too.
After throwing deadlier and deadlier
barbs at one another, she finally pressed the Big Red Button and
yelled at him, “Yeah? Well you SUCK in bed! Did you know that!!?”
The customers at the cabana become dead
quiet at hearing this.
A moment passes when the boyfriend responds with, “Well....you suck OUT OF BED!”
He tells me the people at the cabana
started clapping to his retort.
At 20, I don't think I would've truly
understood that comment to it's fullest meaning. How could I? With
my then superficial and inexperienced view on everything. Today, a
pretty face isn't the promise I once thought it once was.
There she is. The one in Sh-Booms who blew me off.
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