Soon Enuff It'll Be...

A few more days and it'll be officially autumn. God that came fast huh? As I get older, even Wednesdays, Tuesdays or Sundays come faster now. “Is it Thursday already...are you sure?”

With autumn come the fairs, arts and crafts festivals. It's harvest time and we all get to have one big blowout before we burrow deep into our homes and hibernate through the upcoming winter. One fair I never knew about was something called the Big E out in West Springfield. When I did a Google on it, a few links showed complaining of the prices. Ha! That's typical!

King Richard's Faire is a goof to see at least once in your life. I was warned though that you better smuggle water in and if you can, food as well. Whoever owns the concessions monopoly there makes a killing. “I'll have a small fries please?” “That'll be $8!”

It would be easier, instead of setting up a tent, fryolater and supplies, to just stick a gun into my ribs in the parking lot and demand my wallet.

If you can avoid being robbed, go see the jousting, that's cool.

The worst are the art fairs. I attended a few over my lifetime and most are enjoyable. There are tons of people and interesting pieces displayed. One year I attended the Scituate Arts Festival and was shocked at the prices. One guy had found old, nearly rotted trees in the forest and then cut, planed and mortised and tenoned them into tables, chairs and lamps. They were cool looking...but not for $300 a piece. Sure, they were funky looking and well built, but I swore with six months practice, I could do that too...if I cared enough.

Back in the early 90's I once knew an organizer for that particular fair and she commented to me, “...the art world is FULL of bullshit you know, don't be fooled by any claims to aesthetic heights...it's all about IF they sell.” She went on to tell me artists from mostly New England and some from further away were sometimes real bastards to deal with when it came to where they could set up their tents. All of them demanded the highest traffic areas available. If not that, they wanted everything else for free. Well, not all of them, but a good amount who were always keenly aware of PRICE. Anyway, she did it for two years before she dropped the chair position as it was “too much of a hassle.”

Be that as it may, I liked the crisp mornings and quaintness of Scituate anyway with strange arts and the smell of hay, doughboys and occasional horseshit on the street. It's a milepost in my life, I've reached another autumn.

Another thing you have to try, only if to say you did it, are hayrides. I tried one once and thought “...is that it?” Actually, it was part of a date night and I had to go through it. I was more interested in the sweaty, steaming behemoth the horse was. It's something to see a large animal like that, all muscle and power and capable of tearing up the ground from just walking on it. I think I spoke with the owner about his horse more than I cared for lying under a bunch of hay while he towed us through some farmland. The girl I was with was into that craft thingy and decorating her home in “poor country” motif. Ah, she enjoyed it though, as being raised in Chepachet, it's like Old Home Week.

Chepachet...sounds like it could be an Indian weapon huh? “In 1699, Isiah Wordworth was killed by a Wampanoag with a wooden chepachet.”

Other autumn things I hate or love.

Squash in any form. Pureed or baked, it's vile.

Candied Apples. When I was a kid I tried a few, the problem is that there's a healthy apple under that sugar coating! One particular thing I have kept from childhood till now. I eat only McIntosh apples on rare occasions, all the others..ugh! Granny Smiths are so hard you can whip them at someone's window and break it.

Pumpkin Pie. Sparingly. I like it once in a while but too often can give me a cinnamon overdose.

Pumpkin Beer. This you see around now and it does taste like pumpkin pie. The problem..see above.

Walnuts. I can eat these things faster than squirrels. Soon enough you'll be able to find me with a bag of them, a pair of vise grips and watching TV. I'll be cracking, picking and munching to my heart's delight. Regular, engraved cutesy nutcrackers won't work, you need Vise Grips!

Football. I couldn't care less really. I'm one of those bastard fans that show up supporting the Patriots when they're inches away from winning the SuperBowl.

LOW dew points. Thank God! Anything under 50 is great. It's impossible to sweat when it's that nice and dry. You don't feel like you've been dipped in cooking oil all day long as you do in late July.  

Soon this arrives. Where the ponds are warmer than the morning air and up rises the ghostlike fogs.