Conversations...

I was absent-mindedly looking at an older woman, about forty-ish, when she says, “Can you see me?”

That comment “brought me to” and I apologized in that I was was just sort of spacing out. She understood. The look on my face said was looking at her but primarily focusing on some distant horizon 14 miles off. You get old enough and you learn the 1,000 Yard Stare and the uses it has.

She goes on. “I thought I was becoming invisible here...not because of you but..” and she waves towards the younger men in the bar. Then I understood what her original comment meant. My looking at her at all meant I knew she existed. The younger men in the place, looked right past her to the other 20-30 something younger women there. To the guys, she was invisible.

After talking a bit I come to learn she wasn't on the cougar stalk, looking for younger flesh to devour. She was just trying to meet someone. I then tell her that I too have been the target of that invisibility, though I learned it much younger. I point to my hair and tell her I used to dye it on and off and realized early on, if left gray, I found that many times during the day when you just go schlepping around doing life's daily tasks, people ignore you. Once I dyed it again, I then reappeared and was relevant again. Hell, at 30 years of age I was learning that, keep it gray and all of a sudden, poof...I phased into another dimension and no longer existed.

She didn't look “bad” due to her age at all. But...she had what anyone over 40 has, that worn look, the look of experience. I know it's more difficult for women since the culture demands that they look pretty at all times and anything that detracts from that is a MORTAL SIN punishable with scorn, derision and being roasted on spit in Hell forever. Think I'm being shallow and sexist? Look at all the botox, “age defying” skin creams and host of other things women (and more men) are trying out to look younger.

Trying to stay “marketable.”

She tells me. “I have a great solid career, my kid is grown, in college and I have no real baggage. Debt? I have none.! I own my house outright. I'm the one to “catch.”

Yes, those attributes are great I tell her, they speak of a life that isn't smashing into walls constantly. I say that as I point to the kids there, who haven't yet learned that 90% of their misery is self generated due to fucking up constantly. They mindlessly run towards what they think they want w/o ever looking to avoid the land mines, barbed wire and gopher holes that life puts in their way.

“But...even with that, living life with common sense and seeking that in others.” I tell her, “we all are still attracted to beauty.” “You look at a calendar of young, half naked fireman posing , with six pack abs and dark mysterious eyes and your ovaries start to rattle, don't they!”

She giggles to that, because it's true.

“Me? I see a pretty URI girl in a bikini in Matunuck and I see a work of art. In my head I hear, “My...God...just look at THAT!” You women will never understand the reaction we men have to beauty, how completely struck we are by it...just as we men will never understand just what you women experience. Either of us may be able to approach the reality of the other, but never really know it, feel it or live it. East is east and west is west kinda thing.”

“Yeah...that never gets solved.” she says.

“So you only go after 'younger than yourself', like all men?” she asks.

“No, but I still look..like you look at the younger guys you think are 'hunks.' Riiiight?” I tease her.

“Yeah, I admit it.” she confesses.

“There ya go.” I say.

“Two things will make you feel young again, a bag of cocaine or a young mate, if you have both, you're in high school again, but neither lasts long, it's all transient.” I say. “Transient or a heart attack...you choose! If you're doing that past 45, you're going to crack up, health-wise or mental health-wise.”

“What do you see in younger guys?” I ask her.

“Health, vigor, a real 'catch'. Sort of like landing that big fish.”

“You see what in younger women? She asked me in turn.

“Health, vigor, a real 'catch'. Sort of like landing that big fish.” I ape right back at her.

“Honestly, they're a pain in the ass eventually. They're looking for a 'Dad' to correct all the messes they've created or are sunk in. I can point out exactly how to extricate themselves but they never 'get it.' I can't stuff decades of living or experience into them because the only way they can learn it is to go through it..and all the time that takes to do it. But being the Dad that was never there in the first place...it's a hell of a price to pay for smooth skinned smiles and perky tits!”

“Ah Ha HA HA HA” she guffaws.

**

We actually had a great time talking to one another, a couple of mensches schmoozing it along. We both agreed we're approaching that point in time where we are out of the dating game, or more precisely, out of that “field" that the young ones play on.

“We'll end up like some old football legends, sportscasting a game of young bucks. Our place in in the ESPN box...commenting...but if we happen to like one another then...”

“and then..” she replies.

“...and then...” I reply.

“...and THENNN!” she says.

Lucky I got the reference to the Chinese restaurant from “Dude, Where's My Car!” Hell, I had to be made aware of that scene about a year ago. Jesus, now I have to be told about what the youth are into.