I haven't written anything because I'm
running out of ideas! I've told you all of the Xmas stories, the New
Year's Eve stories....and I'm sure you don't want to read about me
rambling on about a subject only I care about.
So here goes this...
McManus Restaurant was a sort of clone
of the Newport Creameries that dot this state. There was one McManus
in the strip mall were we hung as kids on Armistice, but being a bit
too young to be attracted to restaurants, plus having no money, we
barely went in there.
That wasn't the case for my older
brother and his friends. They had part time jobs and some spending
money to waste in there. Mostly it was to turn it into a hang out for
teens, as long as they kept buying rounds of coffee, the manager
didn't seem to care. For a while at least.
They ran their welcome out in an
inventive way though.
**
There was a family of three boys that
lived not too far away. The Crusoe family. Each of the boys
unfortunately inherited those genes for “prominent ears,” or
“Dumbo Ears” as we called them. We kids in that neighborhood and
time ruthlessly bullied them about it. To think on it now, we
ruthlessly bullied each other for our shortcomings as well. Too
short, too fat, too skinny, too stupid, too smart, too ugly...you get
the picture.
Times have changed and kids can't bully
one another..oh wait, there's cell phones and Snapchat!
There was a friend of my brother, a
Save Dupanic (I leave it up to you to figure out the clever way I
disguised this name) who one day completely shocked the Crusoe family
in McManus's.
The teen boys sat near the window booth
and guess who comes in? The entire Crusoe family and they regrettably
chose a booth right next to my brother and his friends. After a few
minutes, Save Dupanic turns around in the booth, facing the Crusoe
family and does something only teen boy with no regard to social
etiquette can do.
He grabs both his ears with his fingers
and stretches them out as far from his head as he can, all the while
screeching, “EEEEEEEE! EEEEEEEE! EEEEEEEE!” Where upon the teen
booth bursts out, laughing their asses off.
The Crusoe family sat in silence over
that one. I assume no one complained to the manager.
**
Jo Jo lived on Armistice Blvd and I
never knew his real story. Retardation, autism, cerebral palsy...I
never knew. But to see him walking and stumbling down the street, we
kids branded him as retarded. So did my brother and his friends.
Once a day, weather permitting, his mom would give him some money to
go to McManus or CVS to get some ice cream or candy or whatnot,
depending on what he wanted. The problem with Jo Jo was his
incessant drooling. He would wipe his mouth at times but I guess he
thought that as long as it wasn't dripping off your chin yet, it was
OK.
So, Jo Jo comes into McManus one day,
orders an ice cream cone and drools. My brother's friends had just
sat down in their usual booth. Jo Jo leaves happily with his treat
and the waitress comes over to my brother's table.
“Same thing boys?” she asks
“Yep, 5 coffees and 10 halfs on the
back burner.” Halfs meaning english muffins.
Save Dupanic (him again) then chirps
up, “Oh....and can we have a cup of Jo Jo's drool too?”
“THATS awful! He CAN'T help IT! You
boys have NO IDEA what he goes through.” the waitress chides
I was told she stormed off but put the
order through anyway. The manager was no where to be seen.
Final Straw...
On another day, the teen boys go to
their usual booth to order up the same thing but one of them adds a
bit something extra to the order. It wasn't Save Dupanic this time
and I won't say who but refer to him as, umm...Paul. Yeah...Paul..who
now is the, or could be the sales manager for a very large jewelry
display company...or not!
Paul adds this to the check after the
other boys give their order.
“Can I have a blow job too?”
I was told the 20 Something waitress
just narrowed her eyes and walked off.
Then comes the manager.
“That's IT! I've put up with your
guys SHIT long ENOUGH! You NEVER use PROFANITY with my girls! If
you DON'T get out of here I GOING THROW YOU OUT ON YOUR EARS!!”
The boys left...
Jimmy and I then got a sort of part
time job ourselves. Since my brothers's friends were banned from
McManus and couldn't get their coffees and english muffins, we did it
instead. For a fee of course, usually keeping any change leftover
from the transaction. They'd now have to sip the coffees and eat the
muffins while sitting in front of Egan's Laundromat, a definite
demotion! I'm sure the waitresses in McManus figured out these daily
orders from two grammar school kids. Why would two 11 year old boys
want five coffees and five english muffins? The order seemed awfully
familiar.
