More Tales from the Past

I haven't written anything because I'm running out of ideas! I've told you all of the Xmas stories, the New Year's Eve stories....and I'm sure you don't want to read about me rambling on about a subject only I care about.

So here goes this...

McManus Restaurant was a sort of clone of the Newport Creameries that dot this state. There was one McManus in the strip mall were we hung as kids on Armistice, but being a bit too young to be attracted to restaurants, plus having no money, we barely went in there.

That wasn't the case for my older brother and his friends. They had part time jobs and some spending money to waste in there. Mostly it was to turn it into a hang out for teens, as long as they kept buying rounds of coffee, the manager didn't seem to care. For a while at least.

They ran their welcome out in an inventive way though.

**

There was a family of three boys that lived not too far away. The Crusoe family. Each of the boys unfortunately inherited those genes for “prominent ears,” or “Dumbo Ears” as we called them. We kids in that neighborhood and time ruthlessly bullied them about it. To think on it now, we ruthlessly bullied each other for our shortcomings as well. Too short, too fat, too skinny, too stupid, too smart, too ugly...you get the picture.

Times have changed and kids can't bully one another..oh wait, there's cell phones and Snapchat!

There was a friend of my brother, a Save Dupanic (I leave it up to you to figure out the clever way I disguised this name) who one day completely shocked the Crusoe family in McManus's.

The teen boys sat near the window booth and guess who comes in? The entire Crusoe family and they regrettably chose a booth right next to my brother and his friends. After a few minutes, Save Dupanic turns around in the booth, facing the Crusoe family and does something only teen boy with no regard to social etiquette can do.

He grabs both his ears with his fingers and stretches them out as far from his head as he can, all the while screeching, “EEEEEEEE! EEEEEEEE! EEEEEEEE!” Where upon the teen booth bursts out, laughing their asses off.

The Crusoe family sat in silence over that one. I assume no one complained to the manager.

**

Jo Jo lived on Armistice Blvd and I never knew his real story. Retardation, autism, cerebral palsy...I never knew. But to see him walking and stumbling down the street, we kids branded him as retarded. So did my brother and his friends. Once a day, weather permitting, his mom would give him some money to go to McManus or CVS to get some ice cream or candy or whatnot, depending on what he wanted. The problem with Jo Jo was his incessant drooling. He would wipe his mouth at times but I guess he thought that as long as it wasn't dripping off your chin yet, it was OK.

So, Jo Jo comes into McManus one day, orders an ice cream cone and drools. My brother's friends had just sat down in their usual booth. Jo Jo leaves happily with his treat and the waitress comes over to my brother's table.

“Same thing boys?” she asks

“Yep, 5 coffees and 10 halfs on the back burner.” Halfs meaning english muffins.

Save Dupanic (him again) then chirps up, “Oh....and can we have a cup of Jo Jo's drool too?”

“THATS awful! He CAN'T help IT! You boys have NO IDEA what he goes through.” the waitress chides

I was told she stormed off but put the order through anyway. The manager was no where to be seen.

Final Straw...

On another day, the teen boys go to their usual booth to order up the same thing but one of them adds a bit something extra to the order. It wasn't Save Dupanic this time and I won't say who but refer to him as, umm...Paul. Yeah...Paul..who now is the, or could be the sales manager for a very large jewelry display company...or not!

Paul adds this to the check after the other boys give their order.

“Can I have a blow job too?”

I was told the 20 Something waitress just narrowed her eyes and walked off.

Then comes the manager.

“That's IT! I've put up with your guys SHIT long ENOUGH! You NEVER use PROFANITY with my girls! If you DON'T get out of here I GOING THROW YOU OUT ON YOUR EARS!!”

The boys left...

Jimmy and I then got a sort of part time job ourselves. Since my brothers's friends were banned from McManus and couldn't get their coffees and english muffins, we did it instead. For a fee of course, usually keeping any change leftover from the transaction. They'd now have to sip the coffees and eat the muffins while sitting in front of Egan's Laundromat, a definite demotion! I'm sure the waitresses in McManus figured out these daily orders from two grammar school kids. Why would two 11 year old boys want five coffees and five english muffins? The order seemed awfully familiar.