I'm
not sure if they did this in your school, but once a year, a Yo Yo
company would show up to sell us kids their toys. The teachers would
herd us into the auditorium for a quickie 20 minute sales pitch and
afterward you could go up to the stage and buy one. Here's an old
Simpsons flick showing exactly what I mean.
Click!
Perhaps
it was due to having a Dad who worked in the banking industry that I
turned out like I did, a kid who learned how to treat money. The
first lesson about money I learned was this: Don't Piss It Away. The
other lessons my Dad taught me at the kitchen table was how interest
worked, how loans and mortgages worked, in the bank's
favor...always and one time he let me hold a $13,000,000
Federal Bank transfer order. When I saw it I though were were RICH!
He let me down pretty fast when he said his bank routinely moved
money from the Boston Federal Reserve to various other banks in the
New England region. It wasn't for us but it was a quick thrill.
He
also taught me about the stock markets and warned me that I could be
easily taken, like being raped by a rhinoceros, if I played it wrong.
He also did forensic accounting for the FBI on a case by case basis
I learned much later (that's how they nailed Al Capone, by digging
into his finances). The guy knew his shit and I absorbed as much as I
could and became consumer savvy.
So,
at times I would try to explain to the more dull kids I knew in
school why they shouldn't buy this or that as it was a rip off or
completely misleading. It was like trying to hammer a nail into a
rock as these kids would point to the supposed fun they'd have if
they did buy it. A salesman first job is to get you emotional about a
product or service, once done, your brains run out your ears and the
son of a bitch can nearly charge you what he wants.
Some
of us are old! I do remember that the backs of many comic books had
ads for various toys and curios that you could order. What I saw when
I looked at them was junk. But for others...it was a different story.
“Of
course it's real! See! They say the gold ring is GENUINE!”
“Read
it again” I tell them “It says, Pure, real, genuine, 100%,
authentic, fake gold...that last word negates everything that comes
before it!”
“But
there are more good words than bad!” I was told by the kid. I then
realized I can't explain English grammar rules to this fool nor word
positioning. I tell him in another way, “do you really think
they'd sell you a solid gold ring for $1.99?”
He
ordered it anyway and was out $1.99 plus postage and handling. When I
asked a couple of weeks later, he said he hadn't received it yet. I
began to think he didn't want to admit he got a die cast aluminum
ring coated in glittery gold paint.
**
So,
in 1979 at Goff Jr high, the Yo Yo company was back again and we were
told we'd be herded to the auditorium later in the day. In nearly
every class we had before that, I kept bitching to those around me
that we're being forced and shoved into buying this shit that we
could probably buy for less at the Ben Franklin's store down the
street.
What
I didn't know yet, was that the kids were listening to me this time.
We're
herded into the assembly hall and we see it again, the proficient yo
yo artists do their thing on stage. Around me, I hear murmurings of
annoyance and disgust for the stage display from the other kids. Some of the mutterings were nasty and audible to the stage. When
it was time for anyone to go up to the stage to buy one, just three
did.
Afterwards,
we're sent back to class. When I was in Mr Holt's class, Mr Forrest,
aka: Stone Face, our principal, comes over the intercomm to bitch us
out. He harangued us about being disrespectful, uncooperative and non
compliant. After he was done, I said, a bit too loud that, “Mr
Forrest is pissed at the sales, his “cut” wasn't as large as it
used to be.” I said it as a facetious remark but it was overheard
by our teacher Mr Holt.
Holt
replies to me, “HE was saying that you all were supposed to learn a
lesson on being a consumer, on capitalism, how a transaction works!
That you all took this opportunity and turned it upside down on it's
head! You all ridiculed this guy!”
I
lost it...I'm surprised I didn't add the word "fuckin" before every verb and adjective as i spoke.
“WHAT?
I'm to be ORDERED to purchase things? I have NO say? If I work for
money that I now OWN then I ALONE will DECIDE how it is to be SPENT!
NO ONE will dictate to me!”
Before
Holt could respond, about 10 other kids in the class started
immediately yapping about how I was right.
Finally
when the kids quieted down, Holt has his last say. “When I was in
the Army, I knew guys like you...guys who bucked the system...cause
dissension.”
I
reply
“Guys
like me? Guys who can think for themselves? Spot crap when they see
it?”
Oh
he hated that. The look on his face betrayed his real feelings.A few teachers and administration were alerted to me I came to know later.
**
**
Oh
dear...how many salesmen I have denied over the years, revoking their
hopeful commissions? Guess I wasn't a team player huh?
A
quote from my Dad I remembered: “You have assets...everyone else
wants them. You DON'T give them ANY w/o careful
consideration!”
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