Don't F'ing Quit! (But Take All the Breaks You Need!)

I was worried about the wrong thing when attempting Mt Watatic again, a small mountain of the NH Wapack range. The last time I climbed it I pegged my heart rate at 135 beats per minute. For someone of my age, it shouldn't get near 145. Any higher and your heart may say, “Alright you asshole...I QUIT!” Last year I was pushing it close to 145 but since I became so damned exhausted, I had to stop various times on the slope to catch my breath. After a bit I finally decided to stop and instead, not only catch my breath but to wait till my heart slowed down as well. I didn't drop dead so there's use of Common Sense for you. That or the fact my body made me stop and take a breather before I hit that maximum limit. What does it feel like? Run your ass off as hard as you can till you want to drop. You've felt that before...going so hard that in the end you want to melt into a puddle.

I didn't have to feel my pulse to count it out then either. All I did was listen for it in my ears. It was banging that hard.

That was last year. This year I am hoping to hit a few of the higher peaks in the White Mountains. Worthier, more stunning views, you know?

Bu, since we couldn't get to the Whites these past few weeks because it's been raining up there so much, we hit Watatic again. I was wondering if my severely cutting down on smoking would have any effect on my cardio. It did. At the near worst of the climb, where the slope is pushing past 40 degrees and there is no path save busted rock, I stopped and checked my pulse.

“Wow...120 beats per minute...That's a hell of an improvement over last year.” I thought. I could routinely get my heart rate to that point when I was biking or hitting the gym. There is no problem with that rate at all. It's not bad if that's the point where I'm really pounding my body hard.

I was still huffing pretty good but I was able to breath a hell of a lot more deeper than the previous climb. Yay for nicotine patches! If I have to live with these things stuck to me instead of inhaling smoke...So.Be.It.

But something else happened instead that beat me to shit.

When I did Watatic last year, it was near the end of a summer's worth of hiking and climbing. My legs were in pretty decent shape to hit it. This year, I thought maybe we could use Watatic as a warm up to the bigger bastards in New Hampshire. This would be my first climb after nine months of hibernation, idleness and sitting in this ratty office chair by the computer.

Before we did this, I warned W., who is half my age and due to such, in much better shape. Yeah, I was. Not cardio mind you, though a few months of working that one would've helped anyway. It was my legs this time around. I didn't have the benefit past training at all.

When we started past the split boulder which sort of marks the beginning of the climb, I could feel my calves starting to burn. “Uh-oh...this is happening way too soon.” I thought to myself but dare not vocalize it. When you hike with others, it's a social event with all it's unsaid rules, rites and rituals. You have to project assuredness and be “cool.” Break that rule and you've automatically occupied a lower rung on that social ladder. Guess what? Anytime you're not alone is when these rules pop up, you generally have a mask on to prove your position in the group. High school never ends.

Fake it till you make it is the Order of the Day, unless your body forces you “out of the closet” and then everyone can tell you're a Screaming Queen of Pain and Weakness.

Look, I admit it, doing this at my age is different now and I WILL stop as many times as I want to recover from whatever it is that pains me. This year year stopping wasn't due to my heart, it was the legs as I have said before.

As we hit the steeper slopes, I realized that doing this hill as a 'warm up” wasn't probably the best idea or the other thought that crossed my mind was more apt, “You shoulda hit the gym to work those legs!” But too late, I'm half way up and I won't quit, not after driving all the way up here, only just to turn around.

The saving grace came when W actually said it first, “Shit, my legs hurt!” That gave the go ahead to announce mine did as well. OK, so I wasn't the only one. But since I'm 55 and he's barely 26, there will be a difference.

When you climb some really bitch slopes and you're hammering it, you don't look up a the rest of the 150 yards of smashed rock to see where you're going. You stare straight at your feet to save you the pain of knowing there's...”Shit....There's still 149 yards to go!.”

Psychologically, it works. Pay attention to the smaller bites and don't try to gulp the whole thing down at once, or you'll give up due to the realization of the sheer size you must accomplish. No joke, take smaller bites. Also it really helps to know where your foot lands and then pick out the next spot to plant your feet, otherwise falling backward fifty yards on rock ain't no fun.

So, there I go, step by step and my legs as a whole are starting to burn and scream. Want to know some other weird feeling? Ever feel your joints and ligaments move around? I felt that a few times. That told me that my legs were certainly soft and unready for it all. Last year at the end of the hiking season, my ligaments were tight and taut as leather. This time around? They were soft and gooshy.

So onward I step. I plant footfall after footfall and I can feel myself starting to falter. My legs are becoming unsteady and then it happens, I feel and see my thighs shudder and shake. The muscles are burning and are quivering under the strain. “Holy Shit...this is BAD.” You know, I had a suspicion as we were driving up something like this might happen but I blew it off.

“OK...That's it...you STOP HERE!” I tell myself. “Stop pushing yourself beyond care, beyond a safe point, is bullshit!” If I lose my balance I'll plunge down 60 feet of rock and brambles and possibly smash out of my mouth that $10,000 worth of dentistry I put in over the decades. I didn't relish using my face as a brake.

I wait till my legs stop burning and plunge forward and up again, then stop to calm the legs, and then again go up..and stop..and up. I think I was making 20 foot verticals each time before my legs screamed STOP! I kept at this till were made the top and cliff outlooks.

Going down is easier but for one thing, it's all knee and calve work. You are constantly having to work those muscles and it doesn't stop. till you reach the bottom.

The final analysis? Gym. That was what was needed. Second analysis, I'm old. But so f'ing what, I'll keep at it.