Soccer Hooligans

The World Cup kicks off today, I think? You see how intimately I follow the sport.

I didn't start an argument over it, but perhaps tapped the subject while watching a commercial about it from Brazil.

As I gaze at the TV I remark to myself, within earshot of an Irish national I know: “Soccer is so s.l.o.w.”

Colin overhears this and then says to me, “Well, hockey's score is always 10-15, 15-10, 12-15....it's always the same range.”

Now another American has to get involved. He says, “How great of a sport is it? All you need is a ball, there's no equipment or real training involved.”

Colin reads into this as: “Soccer is for poor countries...pathetic people who can barely afford the ball and a dirt lot.” I can see where this mental image comes from because I've seen it to. Some weedy black kids from Cameroon playing soccer with a Peace Corps volunteer on a dirt lot strewn with broken glass, empty shell casings from the last war and the goal is improvised by using a stained sheet.

Colin goes off. “Yoo fookin' Yanks! Every sport yoo invented, yoo dominate! Any other world sport yoo soock at! If yih didn't invent it, it never existed to yoo!”

American now says, trying to cool Colin's quick temper, “Hey, I didn't say it was just for the poor...I meant it takes nothing to set up a game anywhere..you need nothing.”

That...only fires Colin's wrath.

“YOU FOOKIN' WANKER! It's a world game any kid can play! You don't need hundreds of dollars in equipment to have fun! It's great for kids who had just each other and that was where all the great times came from! Never mind the fookin' ball! It was US, the comradery, the fun!”

The people surrounding these two start backing off, thinking fists will soon fly. They don't but I swear it was coming close.

I know soccer is adored in Europe but I didn't know how well loved it is. I saw the devotion to it last night. My God...the devotion!

Moral of the story: Be cautious, to who and where, if you knock the game of football.  

They Start Early Over there in Europe

A Typical Soccer Game