(In a Yoda voice) Tightfisted, You Must Be!

Dads loving dispensing advice to their kids. Mine did it when we were alone driving around in his 14 foot Impala. Whatever guidance he may have been giving me, it was usually tied up in the end with a “Do you understand?”

Half the time I learned to parrot this answer back. “Yes.” Because if I didn't, I'd get a whole other quizzing about what I didn't know and then another education on that. I just wanted to hang my hand out the window and play with the breeze as we sped down 95.

But, it wasn't all gibberish or at least I understood at least half of what he said.

“All transactions in the marketplace are adversarial.” I was told when I was...ready? Five years old.

I'm not surprised now that that advice came from him, he was a CPA and steadily climbing the ladder of success. Plumbing fathers give plumbing advice to their kids. Corner store owner Dads give corner store guidance to their kids. I got financial information.

But what's weird about that advice, he had to eventually dumb it down to where I could understand it and since then, I have held it close to my heart.

“Ok, you're at Mr. Brodeur's store (aka. Jimmy the Toad..that'll need an explanation for later) and you're buying candy. Now Mr. Brodeur would like nothing better than to sell you Atomic Fireballs for $10 a piece. You on the other hand want the entire box of them for free...right?”

“Yeah!” I said.

“Good...that's a good start!” he said, knowing I wanted them for free.

Dad goes on...

“But Mr Brodeur..he has bills to pay, support his family and make money off of YOU to do it...and he'd like nothing better would be to make a lot of money FAST...off of YOU! He wants YOUR money to enjoy his life. How should you take that? What do you think?”

I don't remember exactly what he said about Mr. Brodeur's problem of money and Dad answered it before I could, but his advice equates to common motto from today:

“Not my problem.”

“Mr Brodeur's need for money...don't YOU support that too easily for him! In fact, it's your job to get him to support you instead. Bargain him down!”

He managed to hammer that lesson home to me various times and in various ways. I suspect having a parent who was a Depression Era kid had a lot to do with my learning that lesson by heart. Money was giant issue to him and my Mom. You don't forget what it was like when there was no money and to top it all off, nothing to buy either in 1937. Things were that dicey.

**

Fast forward to this afternoon.

I'm filling up my trunk with goodies from Market Basket and I shut the trunk, but the lock makes an odd noise and I notice the hood ain't really closed. So I lift it up and shut it again. Still not locked. Again I lift it up and slam it down harder and I hear an even louder odd noise from the lock and I think, “What the fuck now...”

I look at the lock. All I see is a lump of plastic and some strangely shaped metal inside. I jimmy the thing, move it around and try shutting it again. Still no click.

“Ah, I'm going home, the trunk will stay put for that.” I think

At home, I continue to play with the lock, move the parts around, shut it...and get infuriated at it as it still isn't working. There's two reasons why I'm pissed. One is that I can't really fly down 95 with a unlocked hood as God Knows what wind currents will flip it that way and this, add to that sucking in all that nice carbon monoxide from the tail pipe. Secondly, and thanks to connecting everything to a car's computer, the dashboard will forever light up “Deck” as a warning to me. The problem with that is it'll drain the battery. I've been through it before...a dead battery due to the silly not-quite-closed trunk drawing power all night long and alerting the computer.

I once said before I'm not so damned courageous when it comes to learning something new. The reason why is, “What is the real cost to the learning curve?” I won't add dormers to my own house as I know precious little about roofs, joists or carpentry on that level. That's way to large a mistake to make on a “first try.” Those mistakes cost huge $$$. If it's something smaller and if I screw it up trying to learn it, then the cost ain't so bad.

I had the very same thoughts when I first used a table saw. The costs of fucking up with a circular saw blade were way too huge. I don't ordinarily go stampeding towards a goal when I know full well my ignorance might cause me to lose my hand. You go slow...real slow when you learn something new and that dangerous/costly.

So, I'm still fidgeting with the damned lock. I finally hear a voice in the back of my head say, “Take it off!” That thought comes more forward when I realize that this is just small item and it's broken anyway...and so what if I'm no locksmith. I get the tools I need and manage to pop the mechanism off from the inside of the trunk. Now I can see the problem.

A spring has come off it's hold down point that's inside the weird parts and thingys. Jesus H. Christ. That's all it was...a damn spring. So I reattach it after a few minutes of having to use a toothpick as the tiny quarters inside that lock piece were frustratingly hard to navigate in. I put the mechanism back on and close the trunk with a satisfyingly loud and solid CLICK.

The thought I had when it clicked? Dad came back to me:

“HA! I WON! Screw you Mr Body Parts man! Up yours Mr Mechanic! Take a HIKE Mr JunkYard Man Who Would Sell Me A Used Part! None of you will make a DIME off of me today! I won!”

Am I a greedy little miser? You betcha!

And why? Not because money buys happiness (it can but it's always very fleeting and I know that lesson) but because money can alleviate a shit-ton of problems when they occur. Problems like massive toothaches. Problems like when your roof is leaking. It helps to have the assets around to fix those. How do keep assets? One way is to try and not to spend them where you don't have to. That's not always easy to do but I am forever alert to that. Also I am lucky enough to have some level of mechanical ability to fix things...on the cheap!

Lesson learned Dear Ol' Dad!

Now if I could do my own dentistry...