I never read the above mentioned book. However, I couldn't
escape it if I watched PBS during one of their fund-raising campaigns
in the early 90's. This book was another in a long line of self help
books that sprung from the Human Potential Movement that came out of
California in the late 60's and especially during the '70's. Think
of Esalen again, which
I spoke of in the past. In it, the author Robert Fulghum tries to recapture and apply
the simplicity of a child and use those early memories and lessons
to his current life. Whether it works or not is up to debate, what
was surprising were the book sales. Hell, any self-help book in the
70's was a best seller. Why? Because many people are unhappy with
life and were searching.
That says something...
If you read this blog, you'll find it
dripping with sarcasm and cynicism. It's my defense against a world
of bullshit and danger. It's too bad that those words have such a
negative connotation. To be cynical implies you've lost that
innocence and belief that people, that life in general is good. Yeah,
well, if you take a black and white attitude about these things,
cynicism can be a stance that can be taken much too far. Then again,
taking a Happy Horseshit, 100% everything's perfect view on the world
is just as silly. You apply either view in doses, as needed. There
was a guy, Timothy Treadwell, who was an environmentalist, bear lover
and naturalist who set out in deep woods Alaska to become a friend of
the bears, to protect them and understand their nature. Well, the
bears didn't give a shit about his political leanings or motivations
and ate him for supper eventually. That's an example of taking it a
bit too far, the reality of the world won't support your view.
What did I learn in kindergarten?
Ahhh...not all those lessons were Disney-ish. If fact, kindergarten
was a bit of a shocker to me. Here's what I also learned besides
fingerprinting, cutting construction paper and making a new best
friend in Johnny Burnash, who liked to color his shirts with crayons.
People lie...a a lot. People steal...a
lot. Teachers were full of shit...a a lot. Teachers pick and chose
their favorites and openly disliked others...a lot. Kids, even at
five years of age, form a social hierarchy and you find out just
where you're pigeonholed. God forbid you try to move from your
particular position on that ladder of popularity as everyone else
there will made damn sure you stay put. I also came to the conclusion
girls were evil.
Since I never had any sisters and there
were few girls in our neighborhood to being with, I found out just
how socially adept girls are by the time they reach kindergarten.
Hell, we boys were always behind on that score. I had little
experience with girls so they have the advantage on me. The evil
power girls had I found was their ability to lie like rugs and get
away with it.
I won't name her so let's call her Anna
H. which is damn close.
As five year old boys, we were
rambunctious, whether it be in backyards or the classrooms. Johnny
Burnash and I found that if you threw a Superball really hard
against the wall of the classroom, it would bounce around the room
like a sub-atomic particle in an atomic collider. This is funny as
hell to young boys. Of course, you do this when the teacher is out of
the room.
Anna H was one of those goody-good
girls who wore dresses, a blond ponytail and was a professional
teacher's pet. She also owned the Head Cheerleader Alpha Female spot
amongst the girls (God, how they start early!). Think of Nelly Olson
from Little House on the Prairie. Cute, perky and full of venom.
John and I were carried away by the fun
of whipping that ball around the classroom when the teacher comes
back, catching us. Amazingly on cue, Anna H. then starts to cry out,
holding her eye claiming that I, whipped the ball right at her face.
Of course, Anna being a girl, the teacher took her word as gospel
truth. However, I swear on a stack of Bibles that I never did it.
“HOW DARE YOU HIT A GIRL” I was
admonished by the teacher.
“But, but, but, but...” I
stammered.
“He hit me! He hit me!” Anna
continues to cry out in the background.
I stood there, completely
flabbergasted. I never had come across such lying, such accusations
in my five years of life. I was knocked off my “game” and my
failure to come up with a decent defense made me look guilty as hell.
I was just plain shocked.
The teacher confiscates Johnny's ball
and condemns us to opposite corners of the room to stand, facing in.
I kept turning around, looking at Anna, in amazement. “How could
you lie like that? What did I ever do to you?” “What the hell
just happened?” I thought.
“Let me see dear, let me look at your
eye...Oh...you'll be alright...There's no marks...no swelling.” the
teacher says to Anna. Of course there's no marks. No ball had ever
hit it.
Lesson # 543.b. Watch out for chameleon
type girls.
I learned a lot about life in those
short nine months in kindergarten, most of it political. There was a
Who's Who and I learned quick on how that game was played, which was
mostly ugly. What strikes me, now that I have perspective, was that
the teachers themselves clearly were playing it as well. Ah well,
that's another lesson.
I'm guessing that's the birthplace of
my cynicism, kindergarten.
**
There's another self help book out
there, but most haven't heard of it as it isn't about any Happy
Place. It's called, “The Positive Power of Negative Thinking” by
Julie Norem. She makes the same statement I've made to people for
years when it comes to cynicism. Before you go off on a new venture,
you first must locate all the potholes, barbed wire and land mines
that life loves to throw in your way. If you can stay clear of those
while you pursue your goal, your chances at a happier success
increase.
I was never in the Boy scouts but I
guess I found my own version of, “Be Prepared.”
I've seen this a million times, in
other's lives, who charge headlong after some happy goal only to tear
right over a cliff. And afterwards, they wonder why their life
suddenly sucks now. I really wondered how they could never see why?
I guess they get overly excited at some new endeavor and, giddy with
happiness and free abandon, they stampede to that goal...till you
hear that loud smack of them hitting a brick wall.
“Shit...they did it again.” I've
thought.
To be fair, I've seen people whose
lives were so full of crap that any good luck that
came near them, they ran toward it, lest it get away. How much crap
was of their own creation I can't say, but a good amount of bad luck
seems to follow. Then one day a nice fat piece of fortune appears and
they blindly fly towards it, only to trip and fall. It's like they
are on the carousel and lean too far out to grab that ring, only to
be beaned by a supporting I-beam they didn't see coming.
I tread carefully in life, mostly with
new, major things I've never tried. I know my learning curve and
initially, it's loaded with mistakes. Why make lethal ones if you can
avoid it? I start out in the shallow end of the pool precisely
because I know that some things in live can upend you damn fast. Once
I get some experience in me, then it's time to try the deep end.
That's how I learned to swim in the ocean, at five, starting out in
waist deep water.
You learn a lot at five..don't you?
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