Bugs...

I hadn't tried lobster till I was 30 years old. Yeah, that's right, 30. Up until that point, it was fried scallops for me. In my mind, nothing beats them, well...maybe baked scallops would take second place.

Why did it take so long?

As a kid, the family, after visiting Scarborough beach would go over to Galilee to eat at the Portside restaurant. Half the time we'd go to that take out window, order clam cakes and chowder and sit on the picnic tables and eat it. Once in a while my Dad had the patience to wait 30 minutes in that line and we'd all get a booth instead. Their chowder was the color of used dishwater and I had to be told it was the Rhode Island version, just clam stock. I was too young to know there were three versions; red, white and “Rhode Island.” To me, it looked like the RI kind was just watered down garbage fed to tourists. It came barely warm or scalding hot.

My Dad would order the lobster and every, and I mean every time the waitress brought it, I just saw a GIANT BUG on a plate. Anything that has an exoskeleton is a BUG in my book. I would eat my scallops and watch my Dad tear apart this...thing and I'd be secretly disgusted by it. Food you have to post-butcher yourself was NOT food. It looked like you were tearing apart an entire cooked cow to eat it.

He'd go on about how great it was and then my Mom and Dad would discuss if there was any “green stuff,” or roe in it. That was when the lobstermen could take pregnant females. Regulations then didn't really care about lobster populations. “Green stuff?” are they kidding I thought to myself. I did see my Dad eat that goo once, it looked like baby seagull shit.

Quietly I thought...”You're gross..”

**

In my 20's, when we all had jobs and money, I'd see friends order lobster as well. Again, I'd be ordering scallops. I'd get ribbed for being cheap bastard for NOT getting the lobster but any protests from me about that not being the reason were shot down. I couldn't convince them that I didn't like it nor the idea.

“But EVERYONE likes lobster” was the reason I was given as to why it was good.

“I don't.” I told them. Oddball I was...just leave me alone to enjoy my damn scallops in peace, would you?

**

Finally, in Johnson & Wales, we ended up having to cook lobsters. They brought in this crate of 30 of them for each of us to work on. Ok...I have to do it..but I don't have to eat it later. We did all various kinds, steamed, fried, Newburg, lobster rolls, Diablo, Thermidor....you name it we did it. Afterwards, when we all sat down to eat it, I finally told myself I had better find out what all the hoopla was all about. I picked a simple, steamed lobster to try. I wanted to get that base flavor w/o any other ingredients confusing my tongue.

I had told the guys I sat with that this would be my first time trying it. One guy, a Navy guy, who was from Arkansas had tried it long before me and was goofing on the fact he was raised in a state not near to any salt water and he had had it before I did, a Rhode Islander.

So I tore off the claw, busted it open and pulled out that meat. I dipped it in the butter and I was expecting to see Jesus because EVERYONE saw Jesus when they ate lobster. It was that kind of experience to them. I popped it into my mouth and chewed...

I chewed...then swallowed it and I thought...

“That's it...that's all?” I was not impressed at all, Jesus had NOT returned and I was NOT impressed at all.

“OK, it's a seafood...” I could taste the ocean in it. Then a few seconds later I said to them.

“Big.Fucking.Deal...That's it? That's ALL there is? Where's Jesus? Everyone acts like it's the Second Coming when they eat this!”

Know how many lobsters I”ve eaten in 56 years? Less than the fingers on my hand. Know how many scallops, sea and bay ones in the same time? Way more than 10 and I counting in pounds.