Monday, July 20, 2020

What's On the Horizon



On 60 Minutes, an interviewer is talking to Roger Waters about his The Wall Tour that was loading in in Boston. Roger is asked, “You're turning 70 in a few months, how can you possibly do this? A world tour?” He answered that for many years, due to aging, that his muscle strength had been waning. He added that his body stiffness was worse and he was advised to hire a personal trainer to whip his ass into shape before he'd begin touring again to slow that decrepitude that happens with anyone who is “getting on in years.” He said it worked.

OK, this piece has little to do with the concert, but it reminded me of what I'll have to be doing one day.

I'm prone to charley horses or plain ol' muscle cramps for years now, though they've been occurring more frequently. At first, they'd just hit the back of my legs and I'd be out of commission for 15 minutes till they passed. If they were bad, I'd have a feeling of a bruised muscle for a couple of days. Now, I can get them in my hands, arms, ribs (front and back) thighs, calves, feet and toes...yes toes!

Everyone has advice. And I thank theme for it. “Eat more bananas!” I hate real bananas though I love that fake banana flavor. “Drink more water!” I hate water since I was a kid because Pawtucket's water tastes like Six Flags waterpark pools, half of it is chlorine. The first time I had tap water that originated from the Scituate reservoir in 1987, I was slightly amazed. “Wow! This doesn't suck!” I thought. More advice...“You need to stretch more.” Well, yes, I've done it but now it's not easy to do Yoga on the floor, once I get down there, it's kinda hard to get back up again.

Everyone's probably right, if I did all those things perhaps the cramps would at least lessen. Though an interesting thing has occurred for over a decade and may have something to do with it. Every blood panel test I've had, my phosphorus levels comes in borderline low. Guess what happens if you have too little or too much phosphorus? Your muscles get bitchy and punish you.

**

I went on a fishing trip the other day with some old friends I probably hadn't seen in nearly a year. We were overdue meeting up and it turned out to be a good time as the fish were biting and getting out of my covid rut was nice too. I hadn't done “anything big” really since we were all locked down in March. The weather was perfect except for that mid July sun that turns Irish people into ashes. That would be me. I kinda knew I had better watch it but like the 2,402 times before, I forget how little it takes to make be turn red.

Deep water (somewhat deep) fishing requires you dropping a weight, hook and bait down 150-200 feet of water till it hits bottom. That's where the haddock and cod like to feed. So, you do that and wait for those short, quick tugs on the line and pole and you try to snag that hook good into his mouth. The next part is fun.

If you get a definite bite and mostly you can tell, you have to reel that baby to the surface. Your reel, with each revolution, probably only pulls in 6 inches at a time, so you're reeling for a while when you consider 200 feet, or 2,400 inches.

On a later fish I thought I had caught, I was reeling, reeling away with my right arm. I stopped a bit because I could feel my right hand starting get stiff from doing it and because I stopped, the muscles in my right forearm relaxed and then decide to yank all at once as hard as they can.

Fuck...here's another one.” I think

Since I've been through it before I know that in 10 minutes it'll fade and loosen up again, but boy, does it feel like hell. When your muscles contract all at once, they tend to move the appendage lower than they into a weird contorted form. My forearm muscles yanked my hand all the way up and back as far as it could go. I have no decision in this matter. Trying to move it in the opposite way will only hurt like even more hell.

What does it feel like? It's not that muscle burn you feel when pumping weights. That, is a definite pain you can't mistake at all. But this spasm pain, it's weird..hard to describe. Using your hands, grab your thigh muscle and squeeze it like a vise and don't stop. What I can describe better is the second pain you feel on top of it. Since your muscles are pulling as hard as they can, they also pull the tendons that attach them to your bone and it feels like they're going to tear off any second. They haven't yet for me but I swear someday it might happen.

It feels like that could happen though.

So, for FOUR times, four distinct occurrences, I got hit in the right forearm from reeling fish up. Know what I was thinking besides...”OWWW!?”

I'm vain...to a point. Older guys are because we do not want to seem we're losing any vitality as we age and hate it when the body betrays us. We, I...still want to hear, “Hey, he's still got it!” I knew, just knew the others were watching me and confirming small judgments...”Shit, he IS getting older!”

Yeah, I know that already, I just don't want to display it so publicly! Yeah..like I have a choice when these spasms hit. Yeah, I see 60 coming at me...Yeah, it's all true, you see it too. Every bit of it.

On the way back to Plymouth harbor, we were on the top deck, talking and enjoying the sights. For some reason, the brother of my friend opined to me, “Yeah, I'm 63 now and getting uglier, but I don't care..you get past that point where you care and accept the reality as it is...and it's liberating in a way too, you no longer have to care so deeply about 'how you look. You get free of that. Those blonde girls fishing to the right of us..that family of them...I don't have to impress them at all with $300 cologne and the latest shirt and shorts.”

Free of that.” Advice from someone a bit older than me. I suppose I will, or more so..I have been slowly getting to that point. I've said it before, this is a different period in my life and it's definitely “new to me” so it'll take some time. I can grow my hair, beard and eyebrows out like Gandalf (I have that kind of hair) and dispense ancient advice to the young'uns. Or I can do that, hit the gym like Roger Waters did and tone things up and keep them from becoming goo. It worked for him!

**

Special Goofy Story Time!

On that same trip, we were fishing off the back of the boat where you tend to get more hits. As L. and I were fishing, the captain of the ship gets between us and dumps something out of a mason jar. These dried twigs, leaves and tiny wooden bundles hit the water and start to drift. After a bit, we all kinda figured out what it was, marijuana.

We all sort of wondered, “Why would he toss about nearly an ounce of weed into the sea?”

A few minutes later the same captain comes back, checking on everyone and we get the story out of him. In the bow of the ship, these twenty-somethings decide to roll a fat joint and start smoking it. Well....we aren't in intentional waters and this captain has federal and state licenses he'll LOSE if he allows this to happen on his ship. Apparently being told ONCE to knock the shit off wasn't enough as they did it again and the captain just grabbed the mason jar when and dumped the contraband over board.

When we docked, I guess some one radioed home and let the Plymouth Police know. We were just behind these 20 Somethings and the cops let them pass one by one and then grabbed ONE of them. We then knew WHO it was! We didn't stick around to watch but when I glanced back, the kid was turning out his pockets and whatnot to the cops.

Moral of the Story. Wait till you're in international waters or if not, bring a damn vape pen! If they did that, know one would've cared.

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