Owning

 

“A Thirty-Something movie in which a group of old college friends who are now all grown up and hardened by the big wide world come together for the funeral of Alex, a barely glimpsed corpse, who was at one time the brightest and the best of them, and yet who never managed to achieve half as much as any of the others. The friends use the occasion to reacquaint themselves with each other and to speculate as to what happened to their idealism which had been abundant when they were younger.”

 

*****

 

No one died. A few of my college buddies met up for a happier reason. A few of us had schedules that coincided for some free time and with a little phone work, we set a time and place.

 

After all these years, I easily recognized them. No one's voice had really changed over the years and it was K & M who I could recall as clearly as I did 25 years ago. In fact, it was hard not to see us all when we were 22 years old then. I was certainly animated as a young 20 something. The excitement of seeing people from a part of my life I consider to be incredibly fun electrified me. The evidence of it was that I barely shut up during the night.

 

K then surprised me with a pile of old photographs taken from one of our trips to Montreal. I sat there, going through them and passing them one by one to M. I kept repeating, “Oh my God.” as I flipped through them. I couldn't believe I was that young then; or that they were as well. The motel room, the sights and the people I knew back then all came flooding back. I had forgotten again of all the little details of my life I did live back then.

 

“I wore white pants? I wore white pants? When was the last time I wore white?” I shamelessly asked out loud as I saw my younger self wearing white khakis. “Look how skinny he was!” I added on later.

 

There I was in one picture. Un-dyed auburn, wavy hair, aviator glasses, thin with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth, hitting hard on this blonde girl I can refer to as Bockes-able.

 

Ah well, we got old.

 

Now we all sported gray hair, though I hide mine but admitted to. We were somewhat careworn too by careers, kids and the usual shit life throws at us all. But I was glad to see that no one really changed too much. The same personalities and dynamics were there as they were when we were all at RIC. It's funny how people, who haven't met in a long time, take up exactly where they left off.

 

We played “catch-up.” We compressed in a few hours each story of our lives since then. Old stories, new stories and “Whatever happened to this one or that one” came up. What was different now in our conversations is that some of the subjects revolved around impending retirement strategies and complaining of the forthcoming problems of advanced aging. No more talk of what we were going to do with our lives when we were graduating.

 

Do you even remember that? The hope and dreams of your youth? The brimming optimism you owned as you built your future? I was reminded last night. I admit it saddened me somewhat but reconciled that quickly with this, I did, at one time, own everything that the youth own. I lived it. I was there. I can tell you about it.

 

I forget who said it, but we “borrow” everything in life and never own it. The money, homes, people, time and all else is just loaned to us. We return some if it as we age and acquire newer things to hold, only to pass those along as well. Yet, I'd love to borrow some of my 20-something years again for a while. Hell, I can fantasize, can't I?

 

K made an interesting observation, no one from our group ended up in the careers we studied for. We all aimed to do so but, of course, life's events that none of us control forced us to steer a different course. We've all made these course corrections that placed us in lives we never imagined we'd be when we were twenty-two.

 

That's a bit of forewarning about all of our impending futures. You can never know just what it's going to be. You can steadily aim, but never can trust the shot will hit the mark.

 

The conversation steered toward the future in one part. What will we speak of then? All agreed we'd be bitching about aging, as every one else who went before us did the same. Though, the added wisdom that comes from that makes life somewhat easier to live. There were younger times when we were grappling in the dark about “what to do.” Now, since we've been through it before we have an idea about how to “deal.”

 

That's the trade off for youth I suppose. Is it a equitable bargain? The jury is still out or; I forget to take a long, long perspective on it all. I should remind myself more often.

 

On top of it all, this impromptu reunion was fun and it reminded me of the gallons of fun I had in youth too.