Escaped Nazi Dentist Christian Szell
Tortures Dustin Hoffman (Click If You Can Avoid Cringing)
The above clip is how I view most
dentists. There are several reasons why. I ended up in the
dentist's chair more than most people over my life.
I was born with soft enamel. A trace
back to the previous generations in my family nailed this fact. My
current dentist also discovered that several high fevers I had as a
young child also wreaked havoc on my teeth. Add to that an awful
Coca Cola addiction since I was five and the stage is set for cavity
hell.
I used to love ginger ale as a kid. My
Mom would give me some on occasion as a treat or as a reward to get
me to do something I didn't want to do. My brother, on the other
hand, hated it and my Mom would get him Coke. I never tried it until
I was five and after I did, my brother and I would nearly fight over
it sometimes.
Friday's were shopping days. My Mom
would buy a six pack of Coke in the old glass bottles and the rule
was, three per boy. I would have one each night till I exhausted my
supply on Sunday night. This was great! Weekend TV as a kid was
perfect plus soda!
Coke in itself is acidic. The sugar in
it was also great for producing acid and in no time I found myself at
Dr. Samarra's office in downtown Pawtucket.
I have to feel bad for Dr. Samarra now.
I can remember what a hell of a time he had keeping me calm in the
chair. Dental science in 1969 isn't what it is today. He tried
music, letting me hold toys and tried putting a Bat Man mask on me
(specially designed so he could work in my mouth) and nothing worked.
I was scared shitless due to everything hurting like hell.
Finally, he brought my Mother in to ask
permission to knock my ass out. Back then, they used ether in
dentist offices and I got a great dose of it dripped onto a small
screen covered in cotton, which was held near my nose. Ether is
something else I can tell you. You are fully aware of what's going on
but everything takes on a dream-like quality...and you become numb as
a board. Dr. Samarra now could work in peace. After the work was
done, I can remember being carried down to the car and laid in the
backseat, still stoned on ether.
From the age five till about thirteen,
I had numerous teeth pulled, cavities filled and various fluoride
treatments applied to my teeth. I never got used to
walking into any dentist office all those times. At fourteen a newer
dentist suggested to my Mom it was time for braces as my teeth were
“crowded.” Screw that I thought. Also, it was easy enough to get
my Mom to nix that idea due to the cost. I'll live with crowded
teeth.
Do you think I avoided Coke after all
these bad experiences? No. I still don't to this day. I enjoy it
too much. By the way, did you know Coke's recipe still
uses coca leaves as an ingredient? I'm sure the DEA monitors the
amount. The gov't stopped Coke from dumping ½ grams of straight
cocaine into each bottle of soda they sold back in 1910. Hell...am
I a lifelong, low-level coke addict?
I've been warned by my current dentist
I've had now for over twenty years why my enamel gets beat up as it
does, but he finally gave up after learning during his career that
his patients are going to do what they want anyway. He told me I
reminded him of another patient who had a daily addiction to salt
water taffy. That guy has beaten up teeth as well. Whatever floats
your boat I guess. I can't point fingers at all. Hell, salt water
taffy is wonderful.
A while back, I dated this girl who had
two kids around 6-7 years of age. One day, while I was showing the
boy how to make a paper airplane (why he didn't know how to do this
is beyond me...i guess realplay is verbotten now
for kids!) he started to laugh when he tossed it into the air. He had
one of those wide open mouthed laughs and I saw all his teeth.
Perfect, young, healthy, strong teeth. Gleaming white teeth that
haven't seen a dentist's drill at all. I was amazed...and jealous!
I was so taken aback that I mentioned
to his Mom, who was with us, about the condition of his teeth. She
took it as normal.
“Both of them had sealants put on
their teeth.” she says.
Sealants...I wished they had that in
1969. I could've drank Coke made with car battery acid back then and
gotten away with it.
*****
When I saw the above clip from the
movie the Marathon Man, you can imagine how I reacted. I know I have
to get my butt into that dentist chair when I have a true medical
problem...but God... I don't feel safe.
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