One of the Seven Deadly Sins
I'm usually never a pig in public when
it comes to free food. Unless I'm hungry then my concern about
maintaining a perception of me, that's kind and normal, goes out the
window. I was at an event, the ubiquitous Christmas party, when I
scanned the buffet table and saw a fat bowl full of marinated
mushrooms.
I used to hate many foods as a kid,
mushrooms being in the top five. I didn't want to eat anything that
is the Zombie of the plant world. I knew mushrooms lived off of other
dead things and I thought that disgusting. I had
good reason to steer clear of them. Until I had marinated mushrooms
when I was 18.
At a local restaurant and out of
curiosity, I popped one of those things into my mouth, knowing I
could spit the vile thing out if wanted to. My mouth exploded with
about nine different flavors when I bit into one. “My GOD...This is
crack cocaine!” might have been a close reaction I had.
So at Q's last night, there they were,
a nice bowl of them on the buffet table. The problem was how could I
abscond with about 1/3 of the bowl without seeming like a glutton.
It's simple really. I went up and got a large plate, put one of each
item on the plate, then maneuvered in front of the mushroom bowl and
used the serving spoon to gather up a heaping pile of them onto my
plate. My eyes then shot a quick, left-right look around and I did
it again, adding to the pile I had already. Later in the corner, while I ignored everyone around me, I
had my own little Heaven as I munched the mushrooms.
I'm reminded of a Simpsons episode
where they live in Paris for a bit. Homer opines:
“In America, everyone said I was a
fat, gorging pig. But in France...I'm called a gourmand!”
Once I was done with that, I had to get
more but I wasn't about to fill 1/3 of my plate with other useless
foods. I again go back, take a few shrimp, then get in front of
those mushrooms again and scoop up more. It was then I saw I had
lowered the level down to the last third of the bowl.
“Oink! Oink!”
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