They Call Him Baby Love

Ever count up the loons you worked with over the years? I've had my share. Perhaps, even I was that loon on someone else's list? The worst was this character I knew (this was in the late 80's) who hailed from and was proud of the South Providence shithole he was spawned in. Fool, as I'll call him, was sent to us for a few months and why he lasted that long I can't understand. He'd show up late most times with a newer and better excuse than the last. I swear management didn't give a crap because a body is a body Then again management was involved with Joe Mollicone. Every Monday Fool would try to wow us with his latest weekend parties and women he scored on Prairie ave. Wow, that's where I wish I could've been! Fuck Christy's Landing in Newport or even a working class neighborhood bar, Prairie Ave is where you want to be seen...with an oversized warm can of Colt 45.

One of the things he felt expert in was his constant ball busting. Of course, I was the target. He'd fire a bunch of insults or compliments at me. I didn't know. He spoke “street” and I couldn't comprehend street. Perhaps he was trying to amaze me or startle me with his shocking personage. At first it was shocking but it got real old real quick and finally completely boring. There's a reason why the phrase, “One trick pony” was invented.

If he wasn't the center of attention for over five minutes he'd start butting in, no matter the social situation, to regain that spotlight back. It didn't matter what he'd say, just something outlandish to have people look at him funny. He'd be in the lobby of the building we worked, looking out through the plate glass windows and try to one up passer bys on the sidewalk. I believe one time he threatened to fight one of them who probably looked at him funny too.

Then one day, I started hearing this from him: “Hey Baby Love, how's it hanging?” “You holding, Baby Love?”

“Baby Love?” “Holding?” I had no idea what he was talking about.

I used to tell about this guy's antics to my college buddies every so often as this clown from South Prov seemed to damned well over the top. As a joke, one of my friends got ahold of White Out (remember White Out? This is an old story mind you...) and he painted, “They Call Me Baby Love” on my portable Smith Corona typewriter I had at RIC. It's very useful to keep a typewriter in the trunk of your car when a term paper is due in four days. You can type it out anywhere.

He thought it was funny. Everyone thought it was funny. I didn't at the time. Even reading “Baby Love” on my typewriter reminded of me of that weirdo and I didn't want to think of him at 2 PM as I had to work with him at five.

Fool finally was fired. I think his coming in late for the 133^rd time was the clincher.