Blue Velvet

An hour before dawn, every robin starts their singing. It's a nice start to the day if you're up that early. Their song is melodious and not grating at all. It's positive and always is a herald of spring and early summer. Compare that with the blue jay's song.

There's a line of gargantuan eastern white pines in one of my neighbor's yard which have been there for decades. It's a favorite spot for bird and their nests. Every summer morning the residents there start trilling and it's not too far from my window.

But someone else has moved in there. Rowdy Blue Jays.

One of them is retarded or is just a ball buster. He sings ALL NIGHT LONG. Originally I thought it was a nightingale, but this isn't Europe and we have no nightingales here. I then thought it might be a robin that was brain damaged and couldn't tell what time of day it was. Nope. After listening to it for a bit I recognized as Blue Jay chirping. Blue jays have a great talent for mimicking other bird songs and this one constantly keeps changing up the tune. Jays and crows can mimic other birds, but crows don't nest around here, at least not this close anyway.

I sleep with the windows open if the summer's aren't too hot. I like the fresh air. The problem is that for a couple of weeks I've been lying in bed hearing that cacophony coming from that stand of trees. I'd lay there trying to convince myself, “Oh, bird song at night. How nice, I can fall asleep to this.” Well, as much as I can delude myself about other things in life, I could not trick myself into believing I liked this irritating noise. It's like a neighbor playing his tv or stereo too loud to a program or music you couldn't stand to begin with.

I leaned up in bed the other night, shutting the window thinking to myself, “Noisy prick!”

Had I been much younger, I'd be out there with my pellet rifle with a MagLight strapped underneath the barrel stalking the son of a bitch. If I tried that today, I'd end up having some interesting conversations with the cops, who today are as nervous as hell about anything that happens at 3 AM.

Jays are beautiful really, if they'd just shut up. Where in nature can you find that austere blue color? The only other creature I know that have that blue are Morpho butterflies and they don't live here in New England. The other thing about jays is that they're gang bangers and thugs. They should wear little black leather jackets and hang around in trees on street corners, threatening anyone who came along. Perhaps dive bombing little old ladies out on their morning walks. If you walk sort of near a blue jay nest, they all come out to “f you up”

And yet with all my complaining, the jay still has one saving grace for me. They're blue and that's my favorite color.