Tales of the Wily Homeowner

Put, put, sput, put, put….RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! CRACK!



My neighbor is courting his death this morning by cutting down his own huge maple tree.


I once helped a neighbor do that a few years ago. I had stopped by Billy’s to see what the noise was all about. It was coming from his backyard when I see him and a neighbor trying to cut down a maple whose trunk was about three feet thick. So, I had to jump in.


They were using those cheezy Home Depot electric saws, three of them in fact. Apparently all three had chain blades duller than butter knife. As the blade heated up, they’d switch off to the next saw to use.


We were going at it for thirty minutes when a stranger came into the backyard and watched us for a bit.


“Are any of you guys licensed arborists?” he finally shouted.


Tom, who was up in the tree trying to rope off a large bough, shouts down, “What’s an arborist?”


The guy then tells us we are about to kill ourselves due to how we were making the cuts. He then goes to his truck out front and comes back with a “climber’s saw.” What luck we had, a real arborist was visiting his friend across from Billy’s house that morning.


A climber’s saw is a gas powered chain saw. It has a dirt bike engine’s torque ratio and the name on the blade support said, Husqvarna. And yes, there is or was a dirt bike brand name of Husqvarna. The “licensed arborist” explained to me our chain saws we were using were good for cutting twigs. He fires up his monster a digs right into the base of the tree making a v-cut. That took him about 56 seconds to do. He then tell us to yank on the ropes as he makes an opposite “check cut.”


I ran like a scared little girl when that tree started to come down. I swear it was headed straight for us, but apparently the way the guy cut it, if fell off to the side. Where he wanted it to fall.


He told us later that we would’ve dropped the tree onto the neighbor’s fence and their pool had we kept up the cuts we were making. There’s experience for you, and the right tools.


So, I await the sound of someone’s roof crashing in, the shouting and sounds of approaching fire trucks as this guy’s tree comes down today.