For the past week, I've been coping with a minor headcold. If anything, I've been having sneezing bouts, some shoulder pain and the usual coughing and this reminded me of how glad I'm am it's not the flu. The flu would've whacked me entirely. This little cold is manageable with some ibuprophen and with this snowfall I'm seeing now, it reminds me of an event past that allowed me to grow up more.
Years ago, while having a snowstorm drinking party at a friend's house off of Atwells ave, I became so tired that I fell asleep on his living room rug. After an hour or so, I rose, looked at the three people still left in his home and started cough my brains out. I then realized that miserable malaise and achy all over feeling. Shit. I'm sick. There was no point in going home as there was about foot of snow still falling outside, the roads would be a bitch as they weren't cleared yet.
So, I found the warmest heat source in his little apartment, a gas heater that was in his kitchen and curled up in front of that, like a dog would in front of a fireplace. Not that it did any great good, I was cold still, but not as cold as I would be elsewhere. The next morning I awake, more miserable than any cold would have me. Great, I think, it's the flu! I want to get the hell out of there so I can return to my own comfortable nest I've lived in since I was a boy.
I get dropped off at RIC and find my car snowed in. No problem. I rock it back and forth and finally burst through that wall of snow the plows shoved up against the car. Finally, I can get home and get some decent sleep before I have to go into work later in the day. I'm still achy, snotty and miserable but at least the place I work at is dry, heated and there was little stress with that job.
Why I didn't anticipate this I don't know, you'd think I would. Perhaps my brain was fuzzy from dealing with little flu viruses. I pull onto my own street and see this Great Wall of China snowbank blocking the driveway due to the snowplows. Add to that, the dropping temperatures is turning it to concrete.
I park the car, get out think for a moment. I can't park the car in the street as the town still has their parking bans in effect. I can't park it at Stop and Shop as I saw that they were still digging it out. My brother isn't home but my Mom is and at her age, what am I going to do? Elicit her help in moving heavy wet snow?
My sinuses are full of wood glue, my lungs hurt and my entire body still aches and I feel weak. And not only that, I'm getting colder as the north wind starts to really rip. Then this thought occurs to me.
“I'm on my own...I'm abandoned. Only my own efforts will fix this.”
I find the shovel and start digging out. Each shovelful seems to weigh 100lbs as my shoulders complain due the the flu and this added work that aggravates them further. I stop many times to rest and sort of longingly look up and down my street. Completely empty of people. The street looks like a white desert. Even the slightest hope for another to help is dashed. Back to shoveling I go. There is no other answer.
The little boy in me is really protesting. “This is UNFAIR! I'm sicker than I've ever been in years and now THIS? Why do I have to do this ALONE!?”
I do a shitty job because the priority is in getting the car off the street so I can go inside and collapse on my bed, the perfect shoveling job can come much later. There will be no medals for doing the perfect job while fighting the flu. Even the idea of self congratulating myself over withstanding the elements, my own illness doesn't matter at all. Fuck it...just get the damn car off the street first.
I get it done, come into the house and pass by my Mom w/o saying a word. When I get to my room I pull off my jeans and such. They stand up on the floor somewhat as the calves of them are solidly frozen. My cold wet socks feel disgusting and I peel those off too. Those too on the floor look like I wore them nine days straight, soaked in sweat.
I finally crawl under the covers and pass out and sleep that sleep you get when your sick, restless and full of odd dreams. Later I get up, put on clean dry clothes and go into work.
At work, I mention once and only once, that I was sick as a dog and had to move that mountain of snow myself. I quickly learn that no one gives a rat's ass and stop speaking of it. This second lesson I knew already but it was further burned into my brain: “No one gives a rat's ass.”
That event was decades ago. Since then, there have been now countless times where I (and you) have had to rely on just yourself. Do this enough times and you develop a thicker skin and a ton of life skills as well. It doesn't make the ugly tasks you have to perform yourself less annoying, but you suffer less from the perceived injustice of it. I save my animosity for real injustice now.
Famed 54th Massachusetts training. Click and Watch about "growing up a little more"
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