No FAIR!!

An acquaintance admitted to me that he was diagnosed with Asperger's as an adult. These diagnoses weren't around in the late 60's and a lot of good that did him to find out now. Back then, he was regarded as shy, weird and all around peculiar. He managed to make it through the academics in school, an average student, but suffered greatly socially as it was all a mystery to him.

I admit I know little about it. This is one of those medical pronouncements that came way after I had left grammar school. Back when I was a kid in school, they either called you retarded (their word, not mine) or incorrigible. To some in my generation, Asperger's is a made up disease and certainly wouldn't have been taken seriously back in 1969.

He tells me:

“I tried to join in with the other kids, but I was rebuffed time and time again and I didn't know why. I didn't do anything to upset anyone...it felt like I was being excluded for a sin I never knew about. If you're rejected and you know why, that's one thing..but to be kept in the dark?”

Apparently I am told Aspies have a hard time finding out why they are abandoned. If they don't know, they can't correct it.

He goes on:

“Since I was pretty much shut out, I invented a rich fantasy world that kept my mind going, otherwise I'd die of boredom w/o any friends around. It got to the point where my default state was fantasy...it was far better than the real world I was in.”

His fantasies were the usual scripts kids have. Spacemen, cowboys, cops...but in his case he was the Lone Sheriff, the Lone Astronaut, Lone...you get it. He said it was what kept him sane and helped deal with the loneliness he had to endure.

“Great, a month ago I get this wonderful diagnosis. What good does it do me now? After all these years, I've managed to learn enough social skills to make it out there, most times. But I needed this when I was 5.”

“So fuckin' unfair..damned unfair.”

I had to agree with him. It was unfair. I wasn't about to rebuff his complaint with “if it's all the same to you fella...we all get screwed.” But there are those in this world who are Royally Raped by Life. How many little kids can we point at that come down with leukemia. I'd like to ask God about that one. Ask the 12 million murdered by the Nazis. Ask a kid born into a family with shitty parents. No wonder, when they grow up, they ask..”Why!?”

There's a long line, miles long, full of people wanting to know “why?”

I myself was once rebuffed by a client who made a great point to my weak attempt to “spell it all out for him.” I had said that we all get a hand of cards at birth and the only answer to it is to make the best of them. The only choice is to “move forward.”

“Oh sure, make the best of it...I'll throw down a pair of 2's or maybe another pair of 5's. Meanwhile some bastard was born with a Royal Flush...and I have to be aware of that? I have to see it up close? It's like my misfortune is being rubbed into my face!”

His point was that he was perfectly cognizant of how others have soo little, while others are relishing in abundance. There was no rhyme or reason to how it was dealt and not only that, those screwed by life get to compare, up close at times, their paltry conditions to someone who has a profusion of great luck. It made him angry to be made FULLY aware of how little his life had given him. (And in his case, it wasn't his fault...try living a full and normal life after your parents beat you like a ragdoll...this is also when his uncle was taking far too many liberties with him as well).

I had no answer for him.

Ignorance is bliss....I guess so. If you don't know what you're missing, how can you be upset?

When I was a kid, the rant, “NO FAIR” was often shouted out to others who cheated at games or broke the candy bar 70/30, giving you the short piece. I heard it a lot in this neighborhood. Hell, I was one of the 7 year olds complaining at the top of my lungs over unfair deals. Either a parent (GOD) would intervene and set everything right or, most times, you had to fight for it and grapple back your share or if you couldn't, you sat there stewing in your own bile about being shafted...and quietly plotting revenge. More times than not, you had to fend for yourself w/o GOD (a parent) coming to save you.

Guess what? Adults still yell NO FAIR!. But they do it in their heads. Shouting it out will have others asking you, “Are you just find that out now?” Of course we didn't just find out now but we are still rip shit pissed like we were when we were seven.

Einstein said “God Doesn't Play with Dice with the Universe.” I gotta wonder though. It does seem oh so random at how some people are chiseled by life from the get-go. We all are born and start at the staring line. There are others who start a mile back, with chains and crutches and barely hear the starting pistol when it goes off.

Random...

When I hear people bitch about it, I'm reminded of a Kurt Vonnegut quote from one of his books when he was a POW of the Germans during WW2.

“As the Americans were waiting to move on, an altercation broke out in their rear-most rank. An American had muttered something which a guard did not like. The guard knew English, and he hauled the American out of ranks, knocking him down.

The American was astonished. He stood up shakily, spitting blood. He'd had two teeth knocked out. He had meant no harm by what he'd said, and evidently, had no idea that the guard would hear and understand.

'Why me?' he asked the guard.

The guard shoved him back into ranks and said, 'Vy you? Vy anybody?'”

Vy any of us? I swear it's all just dice.