I
dream of my past. It keeps happening. I wrote about in the last entry and the subject again is the same! The dream today was a slight reworking of the facts, but
the theme of the times remains the same. Today it was the summer of
'96 and the dream's soundtrack was supplied by Cool 102.
I
was and am still a huge radio station lover. I will channel surf till
I find a song I like, even if it's ¾ over. But there is usually one
station I will park at when I'm not sitting in front of the stereo.
Back then it was 101.9FM, out of Falmouth. It's the station for the
Cape and the Islands and with my ingenuity (read: I taught myself how
to pull something that far in with an FM antenna) I managed to
receive it. Cool 102 sounds like an easy summer afternoon on an Oaks
Bluff porch. I suppose I could have that now in spades if I
programmed Pandora to play it all day long and ditched over the air.
The
dream started off with an actual event. My brother at times would get
this itch to something very spontaneous. Since the idea sounded cool,
I was game for it. We visited his old time friend, Jack N. who was
vacationing in Eastham, Cape Cod. He and his wife and a new baby were
up in Jack's old haunts from their home in Austin, TX. I figured,
“Why not?”, as I hadn't been to the Cape in eons and there was a
free place to stay. The adventure started off bad with my brother
driving the wrong way on 44, heading west, when I finally up and
spoke. “Where are you going?” I should've thought this was a
premonition.
I
wasn't planning on drinking but my brother had bought a bottle of
cheap vodka. When we arrived in Eastham it seemed that they ad a
broad neighborhood association rule: “All homes must be weathered
clapboard with cranberry trim.” Upon meeting Jack, we met Jack's
wife, who wasn't keen at all to have us there. After coldly eyeing us
as we walked up the to the front door, she especially eyed the bottle
of vodka. We had been planning to crash on Jack's living room floor
but he and his wife had a quiet, quick conversation where she made up Jack's
mind for him. We weren't to stay overnight come Hell of High
Water. Later my brother giggled when he told me he overheard her shouting under her breath: "They brought liquor into this house?!"
Gee,
thanks. I felt miffed at the DIS-invitation. The daylight was ours to talk to Jack, but we
weren't to be seen in Dodge after sundown.
So
we rapped about old times while I sat there wondering how we were
going to get back to Rhode Island before sundown. It turns out we
weren't. My brother's idea was to get a motel room (good luck!)
somewhere. We left Jack's house and found none were to be had. I
suggested a campground where we could at least squat w/o the cops
getting interested in us but even all the sites were sold off. The
manager said for $10 we could park there and crash till morning.
Searching around ate up to much time to head home anyway.
We
both tried just to sleep out under the stars w/o any camping gear.
The ground proved too hard and the mosquitos too hellish. I got back
into the car and tried to recline the seat enough to where I could
fall asleep. I eventually did.
The
dream reworked that event though to this. I was in the car, trying
to get to sleep to no avail. So the dream tells me to think nice
thoughts as it can lull you to sleep. In the dream I thought this:
My Mom's dead and that horror story was out of the way and I had my
life back. I had finished up a second degree and was starting up a
new career. I had a girlfriend finally, after my career as a nurse to
my Mom ended. I had a house drop into my lap due to inheritance law.
I had a newer car vs. the piece 'o' crap I had de-fibrillated enough
times to keep alive long past it's useful life. I had motivation,
direction, optimism, hope and the ol' magic of touching things and
making them turn into gold was coming back. I got my life back and
was quickly turning it towards the direction I wanted.
It
takes a dream to remind me of what was true back then. I kinda had
forgotten all about that stuff. And all of this had the background
of Cool 102 playing.
**
I
was reminded of something else too, but this was from a conversation
from a young 20 something man. He tells me he's sick to death of
working the same job for nearly a decade and wants to change. He
currently works in a job that has nothing to do with his degree so of
course it irks him.
Upon
hearing this I realized that this is just the natural ambition of a
young man. We all have it at that age. He should
aim his life, move it forward, to what he wants. Not only that, it's
what can generate that lasting satisfaction of purposing your life
towards a destination and seeing it trend toward that. You're making
plans! You're getting there! Stagnation is what kills you at that
age. If you stay put and watch all your friends make advances, it
just is a double whammy on your self esteem and energy to watch it
happen. My 20 something acquaintance is smart to realize this and
want change, even if it involves unknown risks.
I
would have to add it's stagnation that kills you at any age.
If
my entire life has a soundtrack to it, or rather I can pinpoint
periods of it by hearing certain songs, then this period I inhabit is
no different. Currently I park the station on WERS, the Emerson
College radio station on your 88.9FM preset. I love my 70's oldies
but I also need newer music to feast upon. Eating cheeseburgers all
the time is boring.
College
radio seems to be the soundtrack to my a plan now that I've been
formulating for over nine months, betting on the ponies on Wall St. I
used to do this with some regular success many years ago but then
drifted away from it, due to the massive collapse in '08 no doubt.
Yes, it's dangerous and the future is never guaranteed. Hell, it's
even more dangerous now with everything in a state of flux with the
central banks being unable to prop up anything now. But nothing in
life is fixed either. Volatility can be your friend if you play it
right. The high you get from succeeding, putting those proceeds to
what you want and the gross simplicity of making money by clicking a
mouse, is amazing. To me it is.
I
need this. I need some of that natural ambition instead of
indifference. I will force another period in my life to arise. Time
to write a new chapter and either it ends well or not. But it needs
to be written.
I'm
not alone in this thinking. If you breathe air you too must be
thinking of a “What if...?”
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