Interviews

Jostle those brain cells awake, that's what the young do to me now. I have dusty memories tucked away in dank filing cabinets in the basement of my cranium. Yuck! The place needs to be aired out. Open up the windows!

I was listening to a young man describe his first “real” interview for a position that's not a McJob. He thinks it's a longshot but he “had to try.” It's the right attitude, you bet on a pony that might, just might pay off. Hearing him talk about how he approached the interviewer, how to act and meter just what he said reminded me of the zillion interviews I went on as a young man myself.

To him, it was a remote chance he had to take. I then remember that my attitude about interviews were about an exchange of information. I find out about you, you find out about me and if both have a spark, we're in love. If not, well...good luck to the both of us.

Most of the interviews I have been on were in the social services field, not corporate, so I didn't have to suffer through too many cheezy corporate made videos educating me about who they were. Social service interviews tend to be almost like therapy sessions, one on one and each party must vow to tell the truth about each other. They're actually not that bad since the theme in most of those kind of jobs is about personality “fit” vs. the ability to do the job. That'll come later.

Now that I think of it, I haven't been on an interview since 1998. After you've been around a while, you develop that network no 20 something kid has. Also, if you have stayed at a job for over 100 years, like I have done, you develop a known skill set, a known personality (with all the good aspects and annoying ones, but the key word is KNOWN) and you don't interview much anymore. If they're stable and I'm stable, we tend to stay married to each other for a long time.

I don't rest on any laurels as I have been through that layoff merry go round and I suppose my interview skills have molded some. No problem. It's like riding a bike. It comes back to you.

I told the young man a few stories about interviewing. A psych professor at RIC I knew, told us she was on a week long interview for a position at Brown University for a lecturer's position. The final interview was with Brown's provost and she had already, quietly decided “no” to the job but went through the motions as a matter of career etiquette.

The provost shot off a hackneyed query which is a bit of a trick question that could be looking for God Knows What. “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

She tells us she sat there, looking like she was thinking powerfully hard. Finally, she looks at the provost and others around the table and says:

“Honestly, in five years I hope to find myself...to achieve my dream of becoming a real, live circus pony.”

She gathered her things and left the room. She got hired at RIC instead and was happier for it.

The only interesting story I have about interviewing was where I said word “Fucking” during one.

I forget the name of the place. It had one of those positive, happy horseshit sounding names that most alcoholic/narco rehab places have. “New Beginnings, Sunrise, Pathways...you get it. I honestly think it was called “Tidewaters,” but don't quote me, it's been a long time. This place was a last stop for teens whose next stop was jail or the grave. It counseled throwaway kids who were in and out of the Rhode Island court system for a myriad of reasons. I hate to tell you, but there are fourteen year old kids out there who are ruined for life. The interview at Tidewaters was a round table one, with about four others from the place and me, doing what I said you do in social service interviews, you commune with one another.

Of course, you get the questions about your last job and my last had been with a psychiatric hospital which shall go nameless (hint: Attleboro). One of the questioners, was a too young man in a managerial position who began digging deeper into an answer I gave. The question was about human rights and do I believe in them. I had said “To a point....” The young kid seemed a bit too gung-ho about rights as they cannot be applied globally, all the time. There are moment to moment situations that need particular decisions.

Like I said, the young kid latched onto my “to a point” comment and began to delve deeper about why I believed that. I was pretty circumspect in my answers because I couldn't violate any HIPPA regulations but this kid's inquisition began to piss me off so I gave it to him w/o using any real names.

Me: “Look, I had to deal with some pretty dangerous kids, schizophrenic ones who had a history of violence. Twelve year olds that liked knives.”

Kid: “They don't deserve human rights?

Me: “They do, but you have to realize, it's not always a black and white situation.”

Kid: “But they're universally guaranteed...why would someone who has mental illness NOT be accorded them? How can you determine that when the law has determined it already?”

This kid was getting in my nerves. He was spouting the wonderful “theory” of this w/o having the benefit of any past experience to back that up. Yeah, you can adhere to a theory, until that theory becomes useless in a situation where things get too weird, too quick.

I finally say, rather animatedly: “Look, when one client is kicking the shit out of another, that's where the aggressor's human rights come to a screeching, fuckin' halt! I suppose the rights of the other mean crap??”

You coulda heard a pin drop it became so quiet.

A few minutes earlier in that interview, I had figured out I wasn't getting the job as we both weren't falling in love with one another, the word “fuckin' probably solidified that.

In truth, if this place had a person like that working for them, a water walker who can't deal with situational awareness, then I don't want to be associated with them. Add to that, I already began disliking this kid and I wasn't working with him yet.

**

I told the young man I was talking to, “Don't be afraid of interviews at all, the goal isn't to “get the job at any cost,” it's all about the relationship. Say “No,” if you're not interested.”

I certainly have.