SEX!

Sgt. Berry Benson, was a veteran from South Carolina's McGowan Brigade, Wilcox's Division, AP Hill's Corp of the Army of Northern Virginia. He enlisted three months before Fort Sumter at the age of 18 and served through to Appomattox. He got around to composing his reminiscences he hoped would go down amongst his descendants for a long time. Reliving the war in words, he began to wish he could relive it in fact. And he came to believe he and his fellow soldiers, Gray and Blue, might be able one day to do just that. If not here on Earth, then afterwords in Valhalla

“In time, even death itself might be abolished. If not here on Earth, then afterwords in Valhalla. Who knows, but it may be given to us after this life to meet again in the old quarters, to play chess and draughts, to get up soon to answer the morning roll call, to fall in at the tap of the drum for drill and dress parade, and again to hastily don our war gear while the monotonous patter of the long roll summons to battle.

Who knows, but again the old flags, ragged and torn, snapping in the wind, may face each other and flutter, pursuing and pursued, while the cries of victory fill a summer day. And after the battle, then the slain and wounded will arise, and all will meet together under the two flags, all sound and well, and there will be talking and laughter and cheers, and all will say, 'Did it not seem real? Was it not as in the old days?'”

        “Memoirs of a Confederate Scout, 1878”

I won't speak of war. I have no experience with it and am unqualified to proffer the slightest view on what battle must be like. But, as all guys can attest, we love reliving the greatest moments of our lives. Whatever they are, and due to being our own memories, they are quite exceptional because everyone regards their distinctive lives to be the Greatest Show on Earth.

And I ain't no different. There never will be another life exactly like mine. And yours won't be duplicated either.

When I look back, I am glad I have been lucky enough to have a list of victories. Victories that to others may seem petty, and to others may seem unattainable. “Ze perspective ist dependent on ze viewer...All ist relative..ya?” is what Einstein would say. It is all relative. What you or I value and what you or I scorn maybe be incredibly different, but we both assign the same emotional weights to them.

If you get a group of forty-something guys together, the conversation may turn around to our telling stories of the feats we accomplished when younger. Yes, some of them are fish stories and become longer and larger with each telling, but there are sincere ones as you can tell by reading the storyteller's face.

We spoke of losing our virginity the other day.

The first girl whose virginity I ruined, along with mine, happened on a blanket under pine trees not two miles from this house. In truth, it was a mutual act. I would never have been able to accomplish this without her concession, and she so willingly conceded as she was in love with me. I was with her, too.

At such a young age, you know nothing as you own not a bit of experience. At that age too, you are unwilling to admit it. You strut before your friends in order to maintain that aura of coolness. God forbid you confess that you are green and slightly spooked by something you've never done before. You are keenly aware of your reputation and know that “good stories” complete the gossip circuit in under eight hours.

By week four of our blossoming relationship, we both knew what was about to happen soon. There's that excitement and trepidation too. “Will I screw this up? Will she laugh? Will she cry? Will she become pregnant? Will she just plain love it? Wow, I'm gonna get LAID!!” I didn't learn till later what thoughts she had about it, they were almost exactly the same as mine.

There's an old saying, “Don't push the river, it runs by itself.” I think we both learned that, or rather gave into that as we became more inflamed. We eventually learned to just let things evolve on their own. There was no “right way.”

I was half hypnotized then really. I forgot a lot of that apprehension due to seeing her lying there nude. That ol' motor was running well on it's own. However, that actual mechanics of docking the Space Shuttle to the Space Station does require some engineering. I couldn’t call down to Houston for any advice!

After a few attempts, I got it. My very first reaction that managed to slice through my intoxicated euphoria was...”Wow...Is that what she feels like in there? I didn't imagine that!” After that, I didn't need to push any rivers, you just flow with it all.

Later on, she admitted to her surprise that she wasn't injured at all. Her worries were of:

“Oh my god! It's gonna hurt! It's gonna hurt! He's trying! It's gonna hurt! It's gonna...Wow...so that's what he feels like?”

We were both surprised in ways we didn't predict.

Who knows how long we lasted...or rather me. I can't remember. It wasn't long HA! When you're sinking and drowning in your “first time,” time dilates and contracts.

Later on, we both admitted that the discoveries we made about one another, were the real lesson and fun. Still, the whole thing was a garden of delight, one that I'd relive in an instant, with all the silly fumbling and newbie mistakes.

So, how's that, tying a Civil War memoir to virginity? Ah, reading the book just reminded me of all those little victories we all have. My telling you of my victory of convincing my Dad to buy me a BB gun may come across as boring, but mention SEX...and all heads will turn.