Savoy Truffle

Italian voters, who had to bear imposed austerity (doing with less and hating it), have told the ECB to shove it and voted their Prime Minister Monti out. Of course, the rich holders of Italian debt freaked out and sent the markets crashing yesterday. They are bitching that Italy is “ungovernable” now. Ungovernable in that Italian citizens aren't staying bent over and liking it.

 

But that's dreary. Instead I'll talk about candy.

 

I'm an internet addict. I love my information and I read it all. I was looking up a candy my Dad loved and once tried to get me to love. Real black licorice.

 

Real black licorice, if eaten too much, can cause heart arrhythmia. The CDC warns that eating two ounces of the stuff can make your heart do the rumba. So the good stuff has been tempered down a bit, in the US at least. But the Europeans and Australians don't step on it at all. You get the 100% heart kicking licorice.

 

I did find the licorice he liked. It was the good old fashioned kind that melted like tar in your mouth and makes your heart tap dance. They shaped it into a Scottish Terrier dog and hence, they were known as Scotties.

 

I must've been around six when he brought a bag of the vile stuff home. He sat at the kitchen table, chucking Scottie after Scottie into his mouth while reading the paper. He then offered me a piece and the smell of it reached my nose before I popped it into my mouth. Ugh! I tried it though as his insistence.

 

“Good huh? I love them. Don't you?” he said.

 

I chewed it and wanted to spit the mess out onto the kitchen floor but I couldn't to do that. I nodded my head “yes” and made a beeline to the front door and heaved that gloop right onto the front lawn. Not only did it taste bad but it looked like hell on the grass as well. It sort of reminded me of an oil spill.

 

I may have rinsed my mouth out too.

 

But all licorice ain't bad. The red Swizzlers I can eat a whole bag of if I'm not paying attention.

 

Remember these? Fruit slices made into candy. Those I loved when my grandmother would buy them. The cherry ones especially. Now look at all that granulated sugar! A dentist's dream. My grandmother was an Irish immigrant and LOVED candy. I suppose it's an English cultural importation but from what she told me, there wasn't much sugar to be had in the backwater of Annagh, Rosscommon where she grew up. In 1904 it wasn't available and you weren't foolish enough to spend what little you had on expensive sugar. To her delight when she emigrated, she found the United States had tons of cheap, sugary candy. She came to the US when she was twenty and lost all her teeth by the time she was fifty. Guess why?

 

I thought this one a goof, Mary Janes. I thought, "why name a candy after a codename for marijuana?" I haven't seen these in years really. If you forget them in your pocket during the summer, they melted and bonded to your jeans like glue.

 

In this picture are those wax bottles full of flavored, sugary liquid. I used to buy those from a small corner store run by Jim Brodeur. Jim Brodeur looked exactly like a toad and sat on a three legged stool most of the day in his store. He was a grumpy ol' toad on his lily pad for sure. If he moved, you'd call up a priest to say you had witnessed a miracle. He had NO patience for we kids as we peered into the glass case at his candy selection.

 

“I ain't got all day!” he'd bark. Or, “You got enough money?”

 

Back to the bottles.

 

I'd get them but never, NEVER would chew the paraffin wax. I knew kids who would chew and then swallow it. Gross! Those kids I knew would eat anything too, I remember. We had various discussions about what would happen to you if you did swallow it though. It ranged from nothing at all to a two day diarrhea session. I never bothered to find out.

 

The only time I did see someone react to sweets was Jimmy M. He had purchased a whole half gallon of bubble gum ice cream and ate it all in one setting. Bubble Gum Ice Cream was multicolored and filled with tiny Chicklett gum pieces. He scarfed it down like a dog worried that someone else would snatch it. He was sort of right as we would beg one another for piece of candy or gum if the other had it. Well, it didn't work out too well for Jimmy. Ten minutes later he ralphed it all back up. We kids thought it made an interesting pattern on the sidewalk, all Technicolor and wavy like you melted a bunch of Crayola crayons. It proved to be a great ball bustin' joke on Jimmy for a good three days after.

 

I haven't been a candy freak since I was a kid. I can only say that if I discount the liquid sugar treat I guzzle every day, Coke. But, in general, I don't eat much candy now.

 

Since I was hopping all over the retro candy sites last night, it put the idea in my head to find something I used to get as a kid. Today I bought some of these below, Spice Drops. I gave three to the dog and scarfed the whole bag down in one hour.

 

 

Extra bonus points if you get the title to this piece! Hint: The  Mauve Album.