Schadenfreude

We all wear a face for the public, to our co-workers, friends and strangers. We put on an act. Even to the ones we are married to or have been friends with for decades. We have inside of us deficiencies and ancient offenses we slyly cover up.

 

It's all about social standing. Which, I swear, we start to learn in kindergarten. Then we are truly tasked with the tough job scrambling up the social ladder. It's somewhat surprising when someone throws down the gauntlet and becomes your enemy for the sake of competing against you. God, do we learn it early! Kurt Vonnegut once thought that childhood and the toys we buy them don't prepare them at all for what's to come. “I doubt that any playthings could prepare a child for one millionth of what is going to hit him in the teeth, ready or not.” I forget who said it but “high school” doesn't end at high school, you're playing that game till you get old and useless. I say it starts way earlier than that. You learn all about promoting what's good about you and hiding what's “bad” at an earlier age.

 

There are times now that I'll have a conversation and something will come up where I'll say, “Hey, I'm taking certain faults to the grave...no one will find those out!” Then I'll jokingly point an accusatory finger at my friend and add, “...and so will YOU!”

 

Before I had any real depth of experience with the world and people, I would genuinely be surprised at some revelation exposed in others. “Wow! I never imagined that about him/her!” Now it doesn't bug me in the least. Why? Because when you seen this occur countless times, it becomes ordinary. I'm reminded of the BTK killer out in Oklahoma. When interviewed, one of the neighbors was surprised. “He was such a nice man, so quiet and kept a nice lawn.” Well, no one who has a bag of hidden sins is going to parade that in public. Whether it be a guy who has a fetish for fur or you've murdered 34 people. Admitting you cuddle with mink or have murder implements in your home, sort of knocks your standing down with the community.

 

*****

 

I learned a bit of information about an acquaintance the other day. The guy struck me genuinely as a “nice guy.” My estimation of him wasn't incorrect as everyone else thought the same of him as well.

 

(This has nothing to do with this piece. I have Pandora radio on my headphones now and it's set to a Lite 70s rock station. I swear all that music was created out of the Alan Alda-types, Women's Lib and “sensitive male” thingy that was in vogue then.)

 

Anyways, back to the story.

 

This nice guy did love to put on a buzz with craft beers, or if he was broke, with cheap and lousy craft beer. I never did suspect he had a problem with alcohol. There are two kinds of alcoholics, functional ones and dysfunctional ones. Functional alcoholics manage to get good and greased on the weekends but can show up Monday ready for work. They also can maintain some steady control on their driving, relationships and the day to day chores that makes your life move along on a straight line. For these people, alcohol isn't a problem. This is what I thought this nice guy I'm talking about was all about.

 

I come to find out he was busted a week or so ago with a blood alcohol content that was outrageous. He scored above a .35 on a State Police breathalyzer. That's an Olympic feat! It would take far less to knock me out. I'd be in the gutter looking like a drowned, greasy looking rat. Some guys can pack it away I guess.

 

Other information came out about him. WJAR was more than willing to publish as much embarrassing information on him as they could. This guy had two prior DUI convictions as well. This, I never knew about.

 

Upon learning this, I had no surprise, no shock. I had no global change in my judgment of him. I just added that piece of information I know of him and filed it away like a bored office assistant. What did get my brain running were the costs of a lawyer to fight a third offense, which you can't when you register a BAC that's a near all-time-record on the Attorney General's computer database.

 

Good luck to him.

 

Had I been a much younger man, I would've been blown away by these revelations, even a bit snarky about his mistakes. It's very easy to feel good about yourself when you unfairly compare yourself to someone who has fallen. But now how do I react? It's no biggie. (I like using LA surfer talk!) What happens as you get older is that you learn finally that people are people and you aren't so quick to condemn.

 

What do I mean? I mean that after years of witnessing everything you have, you hopefully learn to stop that excoriating judgment. There's no need for witch burnings when damn near everyone screws up royally. I suppose you can shake your head at those who continually keep fucking up with same problems. However, even with that, you know how damned hard it is to change yourself too, so why point a finger and stamp “hypocrite” on your forehead.

 

What's the use of crucifying people in public? Those who demand and engage in the open destruction of the fallen, are just dumping all pent up rage, the stuff that's gone wrong in their lives. They have someone they can beat on with that old Freudian trick, displacement. If you can't take your anger, misery out on the person who injured you, you can find safer one to target. You want to find the most eager prick in a lynch mob who's salivating at the chance to vomit all their personal pain? It's the guy leading them, carrying the noose.

 

I'm no Bible Thumper, but the saying, “Judge not, lest ye be judged” makes a lot of sense.

 

You're going to want me on your jury someday.