Larger Than Life

“I bet you haven't done anything crazy in your whole life.” S. commented to me.

I thought to myself, “Huh? Where did that come from?.”

I tell him, “At my age...not anymore. I've done crazy before.”

“Yeah, but you look like you've never done it.” He counters with.

Oooh, that wasn't a well thought out comeback.

“Sure, with the way I look now, with my graying hair and ever lengthening crow's feet. You assume I've always been this age and never once was young. After a while, crazy isn't as cracked up as you think it is...and I'm not about to disclose some of the wilder things I've done either.”

I turn back to to what I was doing and say under my breath to myself, “Punk!”

Everything isn't “awesome” nor “epic.” Those of that crowd are searching for this, plain excitement. They remind me of bored kids of wheat farmers in flat and dull Nebraska. For some reason, those in that generation seem bored by everything anyways. Even if they were brought up in a major city where you can get anything you want. I guess after having a lifetime of seeking an excited endorphin fix has ironically numbed them. Each fix gives less and less of a kick. I swear, most are too weary to go and locate real action and instead, they use words to drudge up a monotonous memory of when they did get off on doing something that was “epic” and apply that to some mundane thing they've recently accomplished.

“Awesome.” That word comes from “awe inspiring.” I'm sorry, but getting so drunk that I vomit through my nose outside a nightclub doesn't produce awe in me, instead it makes me feel distressed. Nor do relating stories where I slid my car into a telephone pole, then a 100 year old oak tree, make me feel qualified for a medal. Though I've known some who wear their silly and very expensive escapades, as a badge of honor.

“I had projectile vomiting on the inside of my windshield that hid what I was seeing. That's why I crashed into the Quicke Mart! I'm so fuckin' awesome!”

Know how I judge that amazing experience? I think, “You're a fuck up!”

You know, if you do re-frame your quite obvious and avoidable mistakes in your life as “epic-ness,” then you are a hero and can feel quite good about yourself.

I found a great site, called Urban Dictionary. In it, all possible slang or idioms that have been or is in use now is sarcastically defined. Below is a European's view on the word “awesome.”

Awesome: The American adjective. A concept, object or act whose worth lies somewhere between non-objectional and life changing. Also, a word whose meaningful definition(s)and correct applications are now obscured and have been raped to death mostly by the 25 and under crowd. It has been overused as "the" catch phrase used to describe a situation, person, event, movie, taking a shit, etc. The abuse and birth as a catchphrase has its origins among avid gamers and pretentious English majors.

Example:

We defeated Hitler. Awesome!

We have potato chips. Awesome!

You want epic-ness? Go to Syria and walk the streets of Aleppo as a jeans wearing, blonde looking American, you'll see and witness awesom-ness on a scale you never dreamed of!

And I'll answer to one epic and awesome experience we did as bored teenagers. Apocalypse Now was a cool movie and Lieutenant Colonel Bill Kilgore's comment on napalm got us rascally boys thinking, “Is it possible to make napalm?” It is.

Gasoline and Styrofoam is all you need, it'll gel the gas to a sticky mess. You stuff several gallons of that into a 4 inch PVC pipe and stuff a magnesium illumination flare into it (procured (stolen) by one of us whose Dad worked for the Coast Guard). Then cap both ends, take it to the back of Slater Park and yank the flare's ignition cord. Do remember to run like hell or things will go badly.

That was awesome That was epic.