I never heard a story like this before.
I kid you not. This is a paraphrased telephone conversation I heard
about this morning.
The Actors:
Dr. Darden: An oncologist that
specializes in cancers of kidney, bladder and urethra. Apparently the
best in his field.
Worst Patient. A smarty who was
trained by Holy Cross Jesuit priests in lawyering, Officer Candidate
school, by the Naval Intelligence Command and a career as a
commander. Add to that career that brought him to every country
except Nepal and speaking damn near five languages. No dummy he is.
**
Act 1:
Dr. Darden: “You know, I take a loss
when I do Medicare patients like you. And now you're telling me
you're not going to pay your portion of that bill? Gee, thanks. By
the way, you're entirely welcome for my curing you of that cancer
which was surely killing you.”
Worst Patient: “Curing? You infected
me with with your filthy instruments! Why should I pay you for
incompetence? I might have had better results with a wire brush and
some Clorox!”
Dr. Darden: “THAT, was a nosocomial
infection, which are common in hospital settings...I ended up curing
that too if you remember? Which I might add, I had NO help from you.
You blew off half my suggestions and took the ones you wanted. What?
Did you think you cured yourself by ignoring known treatments that
work?”
Worst Patient: “Ahh. Fuck you, you
quack!”
Dr. Darden: “Fuck me?.....FUCK YOU!”
(Simultaneously slam phones down on
both ends)
End of Act 1 and End of the Scene:
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