Can't Hide a Damn Thing...

Play it and you'll get the point.

 

 

 

People pick up where they left off. If you've been to a reunion or run into someone you haven't seen in years, you unconsciously revert back to that time and start anew. I'm not talking about the progression of life you tell each other that's occurred “since then,” (though that happens), but your behavior and state of mind can revert back to that time. Chances are, you'll notice it and be surprised how you can transport your entire self to the past.

 

I saw A. recently. It was an accident really. These accidents I have happen mostly in Stop and Shops where I'm minding my own business. I ran into her in the checkout line and we did what we all do, feel surprised and played “catch up.” I've run into a few over the years at a Stop & Shop.

 

It probably took five seconds when I felt it. That old flame alit anew. Dammit, I saw those brown eyes and bang! I was hit once more.

 

Sure, we've both aged and looked it when we met, but that didn't matter. That girl I remembered was in her still. I find people never really change, not their core at least. The same mannerisms, body movements and little quirks, they last forever. She still had hers. I probably still have mine.

 

What was funny was that I telegraphed that old feeling I had pretty quick to her. Of course, she read it and responded in kind...till she remembered herself. To douse any fledgling flames, she brought up her kids and husband. Well, bringing up that shot me back to the here and now in seconds and reminded her of how very married she was. Ah well, the logical part of my brain took over then and reiterated why we had never lasted, but the heart...the heart..never listens..does it?

I've been on the opposite of that as well, so I know how precise you have to be in order not to send the wrong signal. Once unleashed, you gave that other person some false hope that'll crash pretty hard.

 

It's funny how we all do a little dance, with our radar on high, trying to sense if the other is inclined to firing up a romance. All those little messages we send one another. All are non-verbal too.

 

This has nothing to do with my meeting in Stop & Shop, but with non-verbal communication. I once worked for a few years with the deaf population on the East Bay in RI. I was hired and thrown into the deep part of that pool. I learned to sign and read sign fairly fast and over the years, became a decent amateur at it. In no way would I hire myself out as a translator in a court case. One minor slip up and I’ll be sued!

 

What is fascinating about the deaf is this. You cannot lie to them. The deaf, from birth, have had to communicate in any way possible and one of the things they learn is to read is your body language. Since they can't hear and probably not speak, they have to glean information in any other way possible. Body language gives away everything about you!

 

I'd take one along with me if I were to buy a new car, they'd spot the bullshit in seconds.

 

I learned about body language then, although my ability to read it has suffered over the years as my ASL skills haven't been used regularly, but still it's fun to watch how you, and others, speak volumes.

 

Here's a little secret some know, poker players mostly. Your iris widens when something pleases you. The deaf pointed that one out to me. I once used it as a “full steam ahead” message with Roberta a long time ago.

 

I was in the Last Call Saloon when I eyed this brunette behind me. I caught the eye contact, more eye contact and them more. I then dove in. I moved right up to her and said “Hi!” Her irises widened like she had been given a shot of Ketamine. I knew I was in!

 

That was a summer where I learned how the other half lives. The sort of obscenely well off. Well, to give her credit, she was a decent person who happened to be born to the right parents, well off ones.

 

Ok, here's another observation. This one works about 70% of the time the deaf told me and it only applies to women. When you meet one new one and look into her eyes, the eyes should be straight and both be able to zero right onto your face. They should be able to move in tandem without any apparent loss of tracking. Most women have these accurate eyes.

 

However...

 

You and I have met some where one eye seems to be wee bit off. They both track in the same direction but one eye is a few degrees off, as if it's looking just a little around you. After a few minutes you ignore it as it becomes a non issue. But the deaf told me, that's where you can find the sluts, some of the time.

 

The way it was explained to me, was that some of the deaf guys noticed that your chances of schtupping some chick were far greater if she had that one, just barely wandering eye. This isn't an assured 100% never fail bet, but it's better than 50/50 they told me.

 

Years later, I once told psychologist this story. He used to counsel PTSD patients and was interested in this story. He then opined that these girls the deaf were talking about had PTSD, in some form. It was probably from sexual abuse. Either from childhood, their teens or whenever. It caused the eye to drift. They don't really know why the eyes are involved.

 

“No wonder these women act out. You find many people with PTSD who unconsciously recreate their trauma...ad naseum.”

 

Did you know, that EMDR (Eye Movement and Desensitization and Re-learning) is an actual therapy for PTSD? It involves having the client dart their eyes back and forth as they concentrate on whatever miserable experience they had. Sometimes, the eyes will lose tracking and one will wander off a degree or two. Again, there is little understanding why this therapy can work well. Oddly enough, it's been backed up by studies as an effective method, except no one in the field can understand why it works.

 

Well, I've certainly gone off the subject here...or perhaps not. I still think body language is the key to understanding most people though. It wasn't a waste spending those years with the deaf.